Prologue
Memories of the Heart

There are places in the heart that keep memories as firmly as the mind remembers the images of yesterday. Sometimes in the darkness of the night, when it was still and quiet, he looked into the secret place where he kept his most treasured memories. In that safe place, he would reach in and see her as he saw her all the years they were growing up, from childhood into the blossoming people they would someday become. The anguish that came with knowing it would never be for her was a pain he spoke of to no one, not even those he called his dearest friends. No matter how hard he may try to explain it, they could never truly understand what it was like for him to lose her the way he had. 

She was not a lover or anyone to whom he could give his heart in a romantic way but she was just as important to his existence as the air he breathed. When she died, all that was good and holy within him disappeared with her. In that one blinding instant of understanding, he knew she was too good for the world and to pass out of its realm into a better place was more merciful than the death she suffered. He watched her die, bleeding her life into the green grass, her face unrecognizable from a thousand abuses and twisted inside knowing he would have to call the man who did this to her, Master. 

It was more than he could stand. 

They had drilled God into the minds of all those like him as if the knowledge of a supreme deity in his heart would lessen the injustice of his existence. If there was a higher power, then it was one who deemed it was right a man could be considered cattle because of his skin. He had prayed to their god and begged as any angry young man would beg when left no other choice, for there to be a miracle to keep her with him, even for a second longer. 

God had remained silent that night and she who was his sister, Rebecca, slipped from this world into the next. All Nathan could do when he saw the light die in her eyes was weep that she was gone from his life and he would never get her back. No matter how far he searched, no matter how much freedom he craved. She was lost and gone forever. His grief was a well into his soul with no bottom and as he clutched her lifeless body in his arms, weeping she was gone while her blood oozed all over him, the sense was driven from his world for just one brief moment. 

He would never know what possessed him. Whether it was rage, revenge or the plain weariness of being a slave whose rights equalled to less than an animal for an animal at least, had the choice of laying with its own kind and not be forced by its master. For the first time in his life, he crossed the steps taking him to the big house where the master lived. It was like crossing from one world into a completely new one. It was a world of freedom, of excess, of choice and the fulfilment of any desire. It was as close to heaven as a slave was allowed to imagine. 

He never reached the master but his defiance cost him nonetheless.

He remembered the laughter as they took him away, the marks the rope made on his throat as they dragged him out of the house like a fatted calf led to the slaughter, but he should have known better. Death was too good for a slave. They strung him up with that same piece of rope and he remembered the torches burning around him as the laughter ceased and the others of his kind stared in sorrow and acceptance this was the way things had to be. Their mother had died in Georgia, no doubt broken-hearted because her husband and children were taken from her and sold to a plantation in Alabama. Two years later to pay for their master's debts, they were sold again to the plantation called Avalon in Georgia. Their father remained with them a little longer before he too was sold somewhere else. All he had left after they took Obediah was Rebecca. Somehow, they remained together and the bond of family was all that kept him from going insane. 

When she was taken from him, the first sting of the whip hardly registered. Its pain was inconsequential to the great chasm inside his soul because she was no more. The second one brought tears to his eyes but not because of the pain. It was because she was his sister and while she lived she gave him a reason to hope, a reason to believe something good was allowed to exist in his bleak world. The third lash made him grind his teeth in rage and strengthened him in ways the master could not have foreseen because he had to be strong now, for she had always been that for him. No matter how much he despaired and lamented his outcast fate, she would take her hand in his and smile ever so brightly. She would tell him they were outcasts together and thus not outcast at all because outcasts were always alone. 

He did not scream but he cried for her through the agony of his flesh being literally torn from his back. None of it registered and he drew some satisfaction in knowing his failure to beg for mercy had given his master no pleasure in the whipping. They cut him down and let the others deal with him and still, Nathan could think of nothing else but Rebecca being gone. The woman who tended him had cleaned his wounds, soothed the great rips in his back and whispered gently in his ears, he was strong and he would survive. 

Nathan, or Ajax as he was called in those days, knew he was going to survive. 

Despair had evolved into something else while he lay there on the thin sheet of bedding that passed for his sleeping place in the slave quarters. It transformed into a fierce determination to live as no one's creature and should he die in the pursuit of that dream, so be it. It was better to die like a man than live as a slave. He was allowed some measure of respite by being allowed to recover from his injuries after his punishment. He recalled with disgust hearing the others telling him how lucky he was to be alive. 

Master could have you killed. 

No, he could not. Nathan had come to understand this too when he was hanging like a slab of meat. To be dead was to escape the cruel torture of servitude and the master did not want that at all because to die, was to be free. Slaves were not meant to know what such a thing was. It was only allowed when they were too weak and feeble to care. Nathan waited no more than a day to escape, aware they would not believe him strong enough to move let alone run. However, he was seventeen years old and he had more bravery than he had sense. Relying on his mind would come later but for now, he knew only one thing. 

He was not going to reach eighteen and still call someone Master. 

No Sir, he was done being anyone's property and if death awaited him at the end of the road, Nathan could accept that. For the god, they would have him believe in so mindlessly had no rules to keep him out of Heaven for being killed in search of freedom. His escape was hardly planned and certainly clumsy but it got him off the plantation. Each step forward away from the den of his misery was agony as he struggled through the dense forest, his back a mess of raw flesh open and bleeding. 

Eventually, the scent of blood brought the dogs but Nathan kept running. He kept running because he had nothing to lose, giving him a valuable edge to keep the slave hunters at bay. There were moments when the exhaustion and the delirium of exquisite pain drove all sense from him. All that was left in place of reason, was the compulsion to keep moving. His legs forced the rest of him forward when there was no will left anywhere else. He ran through rivers and over terrain so sharp and jagged, his bare feet were cut to ribbons. He had no shoes because, without shoes, a slave could not run very far and thus could not escape. He did not care and kept going, moving on sheer will alone when exhaustion threatened to break him. 

He had no idea where he was when the exhaustion finally claimed him, knowing only he was done and he had run as far as he was going to go. He could accept what would happen when they found him. Nathan expected to die. He knew he wanted to. Rebecca's memory had driven him this far but with his mind descending into the chaos wrought by fever, he could no longer remember her and was defeated at last. 

When Nathan opened his eyes, he found he was alive and in the back of a strange wagon. Above him, the stars twinkled pleasantly with promises of evening calm and twilight peace. The man who sat by the campfire and had apparently spent five days ridding him of the fever was a preacher. His eyes were older than the wind but Nathan could only see he was white. Even with the rosary, he clutched while praying when Nathan came to, it was all the young man could see. Colour. In later years, Nathan would feel the intense shame to know he had treated the man with no more respect than his master had judged him less than human. 

"You gonna turn me in?" Was Nathan's first words to the preacher he would come to know as Josiah Sanchez. 

Josiah looked at him with those soulful eyes and shook his head. "Not unless you want me to." 

"I ain't gonna go back." He said defiantly, challenging the man to defy him even though he could barely stand despite the banishment of the fever. 

"You don't have to." Josiah shook his head. "You're not in the south. We crossed the border into Illinois this morning." 

It was too much to take in. He was aware he crossed into Kentucky because he had stolen eggs from a farmhouse and heard enough conversation from the people who lived to know he was no longer in Georgia. 

Illinois? The name meant nothing to him. His destination had always been 'The North'. Its name was almost mythological and held little substance beyond the fact it existed, and it was where he had to go. He had no education and could not read to know the States or tell the difference where the South ended or the North began. 

"Is that North?" He asked, not daring to believe it. 

Josiah nodded. "As north as you can get." 

"Then I'm free." He stated firmly as if saying it out loud would make it real. 

Josiah finally smiled then. "I reckon you are." 

"Why'd you help me?" Nathan looked at him suspiciously. "You could have turned me in and got a reward. My Master would have paid you." 

"I could have." Josiah agreed. "But it's one thing preaching something and another thing believing it. I don't believe it is right to send you back. Not even for 30 pieces of silver." 

Nathan did not understand. He did not understand why a white man would help him or what 30 pieces of silver had to do with anything. 

"You got kin here?" Nathan asked, suddenly curious about the man who would risk so much for a runaway slave. 

"No," The preacher said lighting his pipe. "Never been here before so I thought I'd take a look. Besides, there's a war coming." 

"A war?" Nathan's brow furrowed trying to understand. He was always trying to understand but Josiah was the first person who did not rebuke him for it. "What kind of war?" 

"A holy war." Josiah answered. "A war of dreams and ideas, old ways and new progress, a war about slaves and slave owners." 

Nathan begged Josiah to tell him more and for the next three months, he remained with the preacher. He learned to read and write and discovered not all men wearing white skin were evil and not all men wearing black were good. It was an eye-opening experience. He learnt a great deal from the preacher who apparently had a little difficulty keeping his temper. Josiah told him stories about people and places far away from the world he had known and was trapped in for so many years. He discovered he had a good mind for learning.

When the war Josiah spoke about finally came, Nathan and Josiah split company because the preacher understood they had different paths to walk and it was time Nathan found his place in the world. 

He turned eighteen years old and enlisted in the Union Army. 

And he didn't have to call anyone Master.

Chapter One
Parenthood

It was supposed to be a simple job for Mary Travis.

At least it was when she first set her mind to do it. The trunk had been gathering dust for some time now, and she told herself repeatedly it could not be left a day longer every time she made her bed and noticed it.

With Chris out at the saloon with the rest of the seven and she had a few hours to herself, Mary decided she would finally make good on the decision to sort through the contents, discarding what was rubbish and doing something definitive with the rest. She slipped into her work clothes and produced the nice new box covered in the rose-patterned paper where she would keep the more precious items that she came across.

As she pulled the lid open on the heavy trunk and saw the dust shaking loose after years of dormancy beneath her bed, she wrinkled her nose at the intrusion of particles and sneezed when some of it entered her lungs. She realized then just how long the trunk had been hiding there. It was not been a matter of months but of years. Three to be exact. If one required a specific date, it would have been two months after Steven had died. 

Even now, the pain was fresh and sharp when she thought about her husband. She loved Chris Larabee and would die if he were ever taken from her but they had come to each other jaded and worn. Somehow they found something beautiful in their mutual despair. With Steven, it was so different. As Mary started sifting through the things she kept hidden away because the memories were too painful to endure, she had not even noticed when the first tears started running down her pink cheeks. She saw pictures of them both, not as they were when they were straight-laced and respectable but of a time even more distant in the past. 

She remembered cool nights when Steven would tap on the glass of her bedroom window. He was seventeen years and she was fifteen. If her father knew he was out there, poor Steven would not have made it to eighteen but Mary never cared. She would slip on her dress and they would bolt across the lawn and escape into the darkness, caring for nothing except they were together. 

They never behaved anything less than respectable but Steven always wanted to show her the world, even if it was just their corner of it. 

Their favourite place was a creek not too far from his house and they would sit by the bank, watching fireflies do their luminescent dance to the song of croaking frogs. With the stars keeping watch above them, they would sit and talk of the places they would go and whisper the dreams that would carry them away forever. When she went back to that same creek after he died, she saw nothing but a fly-infested bog, full of mosquitoes and crawling things. She stood by the bank watching its decay with confusion at where the beauty had disappeared until she realized it was being with Steven that made it that way. 

She never went back there again.

As she studied the pictures of them together, with happy smiles and possibility etched in their eyes, Mary started crying softly without even being aware she was weeping. Her fingers ran gently across the faded photograph, trying to remember what his skin felt like under her fingertips and felt fresh tears when the faded visage before her, was unable to answer. Steven made her understand how precious life was, how each moment should never be squandered but enjoyed like the final sip in a cool drink of lemonade. He taught her to watch the sunset, to revel in the colours that dragged the curtain of the night across the sky after the sun's gradual departure. 

She used to watch it after he was gone and like the creek, realized it was him by her side that made it beautiful. She stopped sitting on the back porch when he was gone and after a while forgot all together why she did not do so any more, the further away he faded into the past. Mary did not remember again until the first time Chris sat there with her and she gazed into the dusk falling around them and realized the beauty had come back. Perhaps, it was at that moment, she knew that Steven was gone and Chris was her future. 

She wiped her tears when her cheeks became too wet, finding the corsage, now withered and brittle, bought for their first time to a real dance. Continuing to shift through the box, she came across the photograph of Steven and Billy. Steven was with Billy, who was no more than two years then, smiling into the camera and waving at her because she had gone to Eagle Bend the day the photographer was in town. Billy looked so much like Steven it stabbed her heart like a thousand knives and broke down whatever composure she had left. 

Mary wept, feeling his loss more profoundly than when he had died. She could not understand why she was crying because she had come to terms with his being gone a long time ago. She moved on as she promised him she would and she had found happiness. Yet seeing Steven with Billy, knowing he would never do all those things they promised each other they would do together when the children came, struck Mary with intense grief. Her entire body shuddered as she cried harder than when she had first found him lying on the floor of the old house, his blood running through the floorboards. 

"Mary?" Chris hurried into the room and found her on the floor, sobbing. He stopped in to say hello when he made his way up the stairs and heard the tears he knew could only be from her. 

Mary looked up, feeling foolish as she tried to compose herself. He was at her side in a moment, dropping to his knees so that he could reach her. No sooner than he was within her reach, Mary buried herself in his arms and wept. 

"What is it?" He asked, genuinely alarmed at this inexplicable show of grief. She did not answer, clinging on to him as she sobbed and Chris felt helpless, not understanding until his eyes moved to the trunk and he saw what was within it. Then he understood completely and stopped his questions, stroking her hair gently as she released a torrent of sorrow in memory of the man he could never replace, just as she could never take Sarah's place in his heart. 

"I'm sorry Chris," she stammered after a moment. "I don't know what came over me. I was just going through these things and it just started." 

"It's okay," he whispered softly. "I've been there too." 

He moved her gently up to the bed and they both sat there, side by side for a spell as Mary took control of herself. Chris let his eyes moved to the pictures and saw one of Mary and Steven. They could not have been any more than teenagers. 

"That you?" He asked with a bemused smile as he reached down and picked up the picture. He had not thought it possible for that mane of golden hair to be any lighter in colour. However, in the black and white image of her before him, Chris could see her hair must have been almost flaxen in her youth. 

"Yes." She sniffled. "Steven and I were going to our first dance." She said shyly. "My father was so happy someone actually asked me he went and got one of those photography devices just to frame the moment. Apparently, he thought I'd never have a beau because I was so headstrong." 

"Really?" He said with a raised brow. "I can't imagine that." 

Mary chuckled slightly and sniffled into a linen handkerchief she produced from her pocket. "Steven brought me this corsage and I had no idea what to do with it until he explained it to me. Then I thought it was very presumptuous of him to assume I was his girl, just for one dance."

Chris could picture a young Mary Travis giving the poor young Steven hell and then let his mind drift. "I had to get Buck to pass my messages to Sarah." He confessed with a smile on his own. "Ol' Hank wouldn't let me near his daughter. I wanted to ask her to meet me one day so I got Buck to pass this message to this girl he knew who was friends with Sarah. I turned up at the meeting place with my best Sunday clothes and there was her pa with a gun." 

Mary giggled, feeling inordinately better. "What did you do?" 

"Ran out of there before he gave me a butt full of buckshot," Chris replied and was rewarded with another titter of delight and a smile on her face. With a start, he realized he had not told anyone that story, not even Buck who never knew the outcome of that particular rendezvous. Still, it made Mary smile and that was worth a tiny fragment of his dignity. 

"I've been thinking Chris," she raised her blue-grey eyes to his, a serious note creeping into her voice. "I would like to bring Billy home permanently. He's been away from me long enough." 

"I think that's a good idea." He nodded in agreement. "Boy should be with his mother." Chris paused a moment and then asked. "How do you think he'll take us being together?" 

"Billy adores you, Chris," Mary said without hesitation. "I've only ever seen him that happy with his father but obviously, adjustments will have to be made. I'm through letting someone else raise my son. I need him to be with me." 

"Okay," Chris replied, perfectly aware how much she missed Billy when the boy was forced to return to the judge whenever his school breaks were over. Mary would spend the next day or so pining for him and it made Chris ached to see her that way. There were times, he had to keep himself from riding to Eagle Bend and bringing Billy back to her. However, if Billy Travis was going to make a permanent return to the household then perhaps, there needed to be some other adjustments made as well. "Maybe we ought to think about getting married." 

Unlike her normal reaction, which was usually to talk him out of it, there was no argument to that effect this time. She merely nodded and let out a deep breath before meeting his eyes once again. "Perhaps we should." 

"Really?" Chris was mildly surprised she had capitulated so easily. He was perfectly aware marriage frightened her a little and had not pressed the issue during the past few months but if Billy were to come home, then things needed to be settled between them. For starters, he could not come and go as he pleased since he was sharing her bed most nights and could not imagine staying away from her, stealing secret meetings only when time allowed. He could not stand sleeping without her in his arms because he loved the scent of her hair in his lungs when he awoke in the morning. 

"I think we should set a date." Mary declared, showing just how serious she was on this point. However, she did not want to marry Chris simply because Billy was coming home. The past few months with him had been wonderful, despite the calamities turning up with regular frequency. She still could not imagine why they had stayed away from each other for so long in the light of all they had come to mean to one another. Perhaps shifting through Steven's things reminded her how truly short life was and it was necessary to grab on with both arms when true happiness showed itself. 

Like the happiness, she felt with Chris Larabee. 

"When?" This was one area where he had no particular preference. 

"Preferably before Billy gets home," Mary answered without having to think twice, giving Chris the impression she had seriously given this question a great deal of thought before this moment. 

"Just tell me which church to show up at." He threw her a grin. "I'll turn up in my best Sunday suit." 

"You don't have a Sunday suit any more." 

"That's right. I guess we'll just have to call it off."

Mary merely smiled at him and felt the need to hold him close. She slipped her arms around his taut body and held him tight, relishing the sound of his heart beating so close to her ear.

Chris wrapped his arms around her and wondered how he ever let this widow with her golden hair get so close to him. He could not imagine living without her. At the moment, however, Chris left such questions for another time. All he knew was Mary wanted to be held, and in that, he would always oblige her.

*********

Ezra Standish watched Julia Pemberton swirled the contents of her coffee cup with her spoon for the dozenth time, without saying a word. They were enjoying a quiet Sunday afternoon, watching the day go by from her back porch that overlooked a delightful garden she had spent considerable time and effort cultivating since buying the house. While it seemed overly manicured with its trimmed hedges and bird feeder, Ezra knew it was a sentimental gesture beckoning back to the days when she was a socialite from a world far removed from the one she now inhabited.

It was at her invitation that he shared this afternoon luncheon and yet she barely said two words to him since his arrival, nor had she even touched the food on her plate. Ezra tried drawing her out of her self-imposed silence, but she seemed determined to be lost in thought while he made futile attempts at conversation. By the time she had poured them both coffee, his patience was almost at breaking point. He would have left already if he had not believed there was something on her mind she was having a great deal of difficulty voicing.

"Well," he said easing back into his chair because that was far easier than throwing the spoon in her teacup into the garden if to eliminate the sound of metal scraping against the porcelain bottom of her cup. "This has been a scintillating afternoon. You are certainly in rare form today." 

He commented, unable to hide the sarcasm from his voice. "I simply cannot begin to list down which snippet of your witty repertoire I enjoyed most." 

Julia looked up at him, her green eyes meeting his gaze with such a look of intense fear Ezra immediately felt guilty for making such a sharp remark. 

"I'm sorry." She apologised. "I am a bit distracted today." She shifted her eyes to the food before her and winced visibly at the sight of it, before shoving the plate away. 

"Julia," he reached across her table and took her hand in his. Only when he enclosed her tiny palm in his did he realise she was trembling. Suddenly, Ezra felt inordinately insensitive, unable to fathom why she was so afraid and his inability to notice any of it until now. Julia was hardly the most sentimental of women, even though she was feminine in every way. Very little affected her to such a degree and Ezra wished she would let him in on what could be so terrible to drive her to such distraction. "What on Earth is the matter?" 

Julia swallowed hard, not knowing how to say the words because the idea was so awful she could scarcely bear herself speaking them. However, she had no choice in the matter. He had a right to know and perhaps he might have a solution because she certainly did not. Julia suspected this terrible possibility for the last two weeks and with each day that passed, grew more certain, her fears were not unjustified and were the harbinger of an even worse fate. 

Finally, she knew there was no other way to do this but to tell him and face his reaction, whatever it would be. Julia swallowed thickly and let the words slip past her throat into his hearing. 

"Ezra, I think I'm pregnant." 

Considering what she had just told him, Ezra thought he held his poker face quite well. Amazingly enough, instead of descending into a blind panic or adhering to the little voice in his head telling him in no uncertain terms to pack his bags and start running until he hit the border, Ezra remained calm and opted for another approach. 

"Are you sure?" He asked with a perfectly calm voice, fully aware she was watching his reaction very closely. 

"Yes," Julia nodded slowly. "I am late." 

Ezra nodded slowly, allowing the full implications of her statement to seep into his consciousness. In truth, he felt fear. It was cold and sharp like nothing he ever experienced in his life. It took the air out of his lungs and compelled him to start running. It was not that he disliked the possibility that now presented itself. He liked children, enjoyed their company but in no way did he wish to have any of his own, at least not yet. His relationship with Julia was relatively new, and she hardly seemed to overflow with maternal instinct. He remembered his childhood, with Maude pawning him off on a string of relatives. Julia reminded him a great deal of Maude, too much, to want any child of his own to endure the same upbringing. 

"I don't want it." She said softly, her lips trembling. 

He looked at her and saw that she was about to break into a thousand pieces, but he could offer her no false hope in that regard. "Julia, I don't see how you can work your way around it." 

"There are places." Julia stood up from the table and walked the wooden porch rail. Because she was unable to look him in the eye when she said this, she had no idea how he was going to take her suggestion. Some men may find it a relief while others may loathe such a radical idea, not to mention the moral implications of what she intended. "That takes care of it." 

Ezra knew the kind of places she was talking about, and he also knew these things were performed by half-witted butchers, who claimed to have a medical license and usually ended up killing the patient. The procedures were done in darkened alleys that stunk of drink and urine. He shuddered just envisioning Julia under ministrations of such men. "I know the ones." 

If he could feel this incessant pounding in his chest making him so terrified he could hardly speak, whatever could she be enduring? He stood up and went towards her, slipping his arms around her waist and drawing her back into his chest, so he could hold her and let her know he was not angry or upset but somewhat supportive. Ezra felt the sigh of relief when she felt his arms around her and tightened his grip, trying to will his strength into her. 

After a moment, however, Ezra made her turn around and look at him. "Those men are hardly doctors, let alone surgeons. I do not want you to suffer that." What he did not say was that he could not bear to lose her if such a procedure when wrong as it was likely to do. Still, there were not a lot of options left to them other than the most obvious and yet neither had voiced it. Suddenly, Ezra knew he would have to make the first step because it was a gentlemen's duty. "Marry me." 

"Oh, God!" She groaned and broke away from him at that suggestion. Breathing hard, she drew a few feet away from him and then began pacing before the wooden floorboards like a caged animal, trapped and cornered in a snare with no visible means of escape. At that moment, Ezra had never seen her looking more vulnerable. 

"I should take that as an insult," Ezra responded, trying not to take offence at her less than delighted response to his proposal but understood the fear motivating it. He tried to inject some humour into the situation, hoping he could at least draw a smile from her. However, judging by the nervous expression in her eyes, it was not helping. 

"I don't want to have it." She stared at him in nothing less than wide-eyed fear now that she revealed her terrible situation. "I'm not ready for children or marriage. I mean, I have my independence for the first time in my life. I'm happy! I can't think of having children!" She was starting to ramble now, and Ezra went to her again, recognising the seeds of panic in her emerald coloured eyes. 

Wrapping her shoulders with his arms, he held her for a while knowing she needed to feel reassurance because she was afraid and he shared her fears, even if he was hardly in the same predicament. With men, it was always simple. He could walk away and never have to worry about it. There was a time in the past when he was a scoundrel enough to do that, but that man was no more. "We do not have a great deal of choices left to us." 

"I don't accept this. There must be a way out." 

If there was, Ezra could not see it. He did not wish to be a father, but if it was inevitable, he could accept the role. He had no wish to allow any child of his to suffer the upbringing he had experienced. No child should be made to feel unwanted. He had no memories of his father, other than a familiar smile and the glint of a gold pocket watch. Maude chose not to speak very much about him and so Ezra had gone through his life not knowing what it was to have a father. He would not wish that uncertainty on any child of his. 

"Julia," he made her look at him. "We will think of something. " He said reassuringly. "I promise you, you will not endure this alone." 

And yet as she stared into his eyes, she could see nothing but loneliness in the road ahead.

*********

As soon as she read the contents of the telegram, Alexandra Styles started running. She hurried to the infirmary and found Nathan was not presiding over his clinic. There was no criminal activity of any sort during the past week so the jailhouse was empty. This meant the only other place he could be, was naturally in the saloon where all the seven seemed to gravitate whenever they had a spare moment. Normally, she did not like to go into the establishment because proper women did not frequent such places, but lately, she went in there for so many legitimate reasons, it hardly mattered to the townsfolk of Four Corners any more. Besides, the news in her hands could not wait. 

She stepped through the batwing doors and immediately spotted the group seated around their regular table except for Buck who was indulging in his favourite past time of flirting with Inez. The saloon was not very busy so Inez was humouring the big man as he performed his usual mating dance, followed by the inevitable rejection when Inez shot him down with a spirited refusal. Josiah, Vin, Nathan and J.D. were playing cards and it was the tracker who noticed her first. 

He offered her a warm smile as she approached and her eventual arrival was met with a chorus of greeting from everyone respectively. 

"Is it time for our ride already?" Vin asked, certain that he had yet another hour to go before he was meant to call on her. He glanced at the pendulum clock hanging on the wall, with its pitted glass covering and saw he was correct in it being too early. Normally on Sundays, when Alex was not busy with patients, the two of them would ride out of town and enjoy a lazy afternoon exploring the country. Vin knew Alex enjoyed getting out of Four Corners as much as he did and thus treated her to these excursions without having to worry about her safety if she went alone. 

"No, it isn't. Inez," Alex looked up at the lady bartender and called out. "How about some champagne!" 

"Champagne? Are you kidding? In here? All we got that is even close is rotgut left in the sun. It fizzes when I uncork the bottle." 

"Darlin' you don't drink." Vin pointed out, looking at her with confusion in his eyes. 

"I know, " she responded cheerfully, throwing him one of her more dazzling smiles before turning back to Inez to reconsider her drinking options. "Okay, sarsaparilla then." 

Inez rolled her eyes and returned. "Coming right up, you reckless thing you." 

"Are we celebrating?" Josiah inquired, exchanging amused glances with the rest of the men at the table over Alex's unusually exuberant demeanour. 

"Yes," Alex grinned simply bursting with pride. She was very pleased with herself at this moment. "We are definitely celebrating." She replied and planted a very fierce kiss on Vin's lips. The men around the table responded with a series of hoots and whistles as the tracker turned very red before pulling her down on his lap. 

"Siddown woman." He growled with a bashful smile on his face. "What's happened?" 

"Nathan, I wrote to the Boston Medical Society last month," Alex announced and saw the confusion in everyone's face; even Nathan's himself. "I wrote to them about you. An old friend of my father is on the board of regents at Harvard Medical School." 

"You know someone at Harvard?" Josiah exclaimed. 

"What's Harvard?" Buck inquired, unfamiliar with that particular institution. 

"A very fancy school," J.D. answered. One could not possibly hail from the big city and not know about that educational icon. 

"Anyway," Alex shook her head from their distracting chatter and continued with her story. "I asked this old friend what it would take to have you qualify for a proper medical licence." 

Nathan's eyes widened in nothing less than astonishment. "You did that for me, Miss Alex?" He asked, unable to believe she would make such inquiries on his behalf to such a prestigious institution. 

"Of course," she shrugged, surprise that he could even ask such a thing. "Anyway, obviously you're too old to go to medical school not to mention the cost of it but I convinced them you are highly skilled but lacking no certification. He informed me in this telegram," she waved the crumpled in her hand and continued speaking. "That if you were to study hard for the next year, you can sit for the equivalency exam next autumn." 

"Hear that Nathan!" Buck slapped him on the back with a wide grin. "You gonna be a real doctor!" 

"Hold it!" Alex frowned at Buck for interrupting because there was a little bit more to it than just that. "If you pass the exam then you'll have to spend the next three years working closely with me so I can complete your accreditation. However, at the end of it, you'll sit for another exam and get yourself a legitimate medical degree as a fully-fledged general practitioner!" 

"All right!" Nathan practically leapt out of the chair as Alex rose off Vin's lap to embrace him hard. "I can't believe you did this for me Miss Alex. I don't know what to say!" He stammered and finally decided to express his gratitude by twirling her around once before setting her down, the wide grin on his face a clear indication of how he felt about the opportunity before him. 

"Its what you deserve. Doc." Vin smiled, inordinately proud of Alex for going to all the effort for Nathan. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her down onto his lap once again. 

"That's wonderful Nathan." Inez who had come to the table with Alex's drink set it down near Vin's own glass of whisky before giving the healer a warm embrace of her own. "You will make such a good doctor." 

"Doctor Jackson," J.D. laughed easing back into his chair. "I think it sounds really neat." 

"Now hold on," Nathan reminded, not about to let everything go to his head just yet. "I still got to pass that exam." 

"And put up with her for the next three years." Vin quipped, causing Alex to pull his hat over his face playfully. 

"I can help you study Nathan." J.D. offered, being the only one of the group with the most recent experience of school and studying. 

"Well, I can take care of the entertainment at recess," Buck replied, not willing to be left out of anything. "The only question is blond or brunette." 

"Senor Wilmington," Inez shaking her head with disapproval. "You are a pig." She said sharply before turning back to the bar with her skirt flouncing behind her. 

"She loves me you know," Buck looked at the others as he prepared to follow her. "She's fighting it but she does indeed love me." With that, Buck strode away to continue his afternoon attempt at winning the hand of the fair but adamant Inez. 

"Come by the clinic tomorrow Nathan," Alex said in the wake of Buck's departure. "I've got most of the books you'll need for this exam so you can get started on working up some type of study schedule and believe me you will need it. There is hell and then there is studying to be a doctor. You should see what I had to go through as an intern." 

"If its anything like what I saw in the field hospital during the war, it ain't going to frighten me much," Nathan replied, still feeling euphoric after Alex's announcement. Ever since he helped his first patient it was all Nathan had ever wanted to be, a doctor. Not just some back yard quack that might have some skill in mending bones but an honest to God doctor, with his name on the door and a piece of paper saying he could heal. 

"Wait until you have to do your first autopsy," Alex remarked with a smile, remembering the experience well. "It's not the cutting that gets to you, it's the smell of the formaldehyde." 

"Easy ma'am," Josiah responded nudging her gaze towards J.D. who was visualizing the picture and turning a shade green at the same time. 

"Sorry J.D." Alex apologized. "I keep forgetting not to talk shop." 

"I can take it," J.D. said with great dignity although he did admit the idea of autopsy or anything to do with forensic medicine did make his stomach quiver. Sure, the young man had seen his share of bodies but to imagine them on a table, bare with the cause of their death displayed so clearly while someone started disembowelling it with a knife, did send shivers down his spine. 

"Sure you can." Josiah rolled his eyes with a resigned expression on his face that told the others not to argue with the boy. 

"It's nice thinking I'll be a doctor someday though." Nathan sighed, easing into his chair with a smile of contentment on his face. "A little country doctor where I get paid in nickels and dimes." 

"Not to mention chickens." 

"Chickens?" J.D. looked at Alex. "Someone paid you in chickens?" 

"Oh yes," Alex nodded, "we get paid in barter all the time." 

"That's right," Nathan replied, knowing with some people it was necessary to accept payment in currency that was not cold hard cash. He would have treated them anyway without the money but pride was a difficult thing to hurdle. Some patients insisted on paying, with whatever they had. "You don't think I got new curtains in my infirmary cause I decided to sew them? That was Mrs Samuels, paying me for fixing her Becky's teeth." 

"Don't forget the jams, preserves and the pies." She added. 

"I knew it was too good to be true," Vin said wistfully. 

"What?" Josiah looked at him. 

"That she made all those herself. I thought I finally had me a woman who could cook." He offered Alex a devilish grin and she threw him a sarcastic smirk. 

"Keep it up and you won't have a woman at all." She remarked and pulled herself off his lap. "Well gentlemen, its been fun and you, if you're real nice," she stared at Vin. "I'll see you in a while." Her lips curled into the barest hint of an affectionate smile Vin returned in kind before she kissed him on the cheek and swept out of the saloon. 

"Now that's a really nice lady." Nathan grinned, still shell shocked by what Alex had done for him. Since her arrival, they had been the best of friends when she pulled those bullets out of him that nearly ended his life. With the arrival of the doctor in town, Nathan thought his services would no longer be required since most practitioners were rather territorial but Alex was never like that. She treated him like an equal and more than that, she treated him like a friend. They were not only healers but almost family. She reminded him of someone he once knew although he never voiced the similarity to her or anyone else. Even Rain understood their friendship was completely platonic but extremely close. While Alex was a private person who rarely revealed much of her inner thoughts to people, Nathan had a deeper sense of her than possibly Vin himself. 

"A bit of pain." Vin volunteered even though he did not at all mean it. He was as close to happy as he had ever been with his life in Four Corners, the friends who shared it and the woman who loved him. 

"Sure Vin." Even J.D. knew that he was lying. 

"See," Josiah smiled at the younger man. "You are learning things already."

*********

Nicholas Serfonteine had no intention of climbing out of the stagecoach, much less take in the sights of this utterly panoramic vista of a town called Four Corners. The stagecoach driver had noticed a crack in the axle of the stagecoach and knew it was only the first symptom of a much larger problem should it be left unchecked. Nicholas could not blame him of course, he supposed it was a necessary evil to avoid the complete collapse of the axle which could result in an accident or worse. 

"It looks like we shall have to take a slight detour, my dear." He said to his sister, Violet. As siblings went, they did not look very much alike. Violet had his mother's dark gold hair and her clear blue eyes. She was vacuous as most southern women of her day since she was born after the war with no memory of those terrible days when the Northern army plundered their world. 

"Whatever do you mean Nicholas?" She inquired, staring at him with her doe-eyed look, an expression of innocence that belied what he truly knew about his sister. Vacuous she might be but there were dark thoughts running inside that pretty little head. 

"The driver has informed me there is a problem with the carriage and we will need to stop and have it repaired." 

"I had no idea this trip was going to be so tiresome." She gushed, reaching into her velvet bag and producing a small lace fan, which she promptly started waving at her supposedly warm face. 

"You did want to come." He reminded her. The West was opening up and Nicholas was wise enough to know the day of the plantations in the South was done. To survive, one had to adhere to the conventions of the day, to move beyond the cotton fields into the unexplored territory of business opportunity. The Serfonteine family suffered better than most in the aftermath of the war. This was mostly his foresight to invest a considerable part of the family's fortune in a northern bank. Some may have considered this sacrilegious but Nicholas was not about to be left destitute no matter how things went in the great conflict. 

In any case, the end of the war saw him retaining enough assets to rebuild his plantation while neighbours and friends collapsed in defeat to the scavenging of carpetbaggers who bought their land from under them. Nicholas survived the war and his family prospered despite the indignity of the northern rule in his home in the great state of Georgia. 

"I thought there was some semblance of civilization in the West, not the primitive sewers we have been forced to endure." She replied looking out the window at the parched landscape with clear distaste. 

"These primitive sewers are the cornerstones on which the West will be built, my dear Violet and it is a wise man who takes part in all that. There is a fortune to be made." 

"Oh do stop talking about money," she replied closing her fan and slipping it back into her purse. "It is so tiresome when you drone on about such things. A real lady has no use for that kind of information, I only require it is there for my use." 

Nicholas laughed, pleased he had raised Violet the way his mother would have been proud. Elisabeth Serfonteine passed on ten years ago. She was already old when Violet was born and the birth had weakened her considerably. She spent the next ten years after Violet's arrival bedridden and pining for the way things were and the father who fell on the fields of Gettysburg. He brought Violet up the way a proper southern woman ought to be raised, shielding her away from the unsavoury ideas filtering from the north. 

Of course, he had his own way of fighting such things too. 

With the emancipation of slaves and former property strutting around the town he lived as good as you please, Nicholas had no choice but to take action. He could not see how their current situation was any better than their ordered existence on the plantation where they were provided with good honest work and a belly full of food. Instead, they were now forced to scramble for scraps, taking on work that should have gone to decent white families barely getting by in the wake of Yankee plunder. It infuriated him when he heard words like 'civil rights' and equality when any sane person knew the white man was meant to rule and a nigger was just a nigger. 

Not that it was just the niggers who were getting uppity, travelling in the West had been an eye-opening experience, where he had seen all kinds of racial types polluting the waters so to speak. There were Mexicans moving up north from the border, Chinamen who inhabited railway lines like infestations of locusts and rats, growing in number, while demanding to be respected. The abominations seem to escalate with each town he visited, half breed children running around the place, their odd colouring revealing the bastardization of two species. 

Yes, if he did not feel so inclined at the moment to return home, he would have been tempted to stay and do something about it. It appeared the West was in need of some decent ethnic values regarding the purity of race and the dangers of contamination. 

"This must be it." Violet declared as the barren landscape of flat, unending plains was quickly replaced by the busy street of a small town. 

Snapping out of his thoughts, Nicholas stared out the window and saw a town not much different than any other he had seen so far in the west. Wooden buildings covered in dust, a few stone edifices marking itself as government built, generals stores and barbershops with its striped poles, not to mention the saloons that were a necessary staple of life in this rugged frontier village. 

There was nothing here Nicholas found surprising or at all interesting. All he wanted was to find a cool place to sit out the heat while the stagecoach was repaired. As it was, he had no idea how Violet was going to stand to be in such a place, considering her attention span was limited to how much she could entertain herself. 

"Hardly a charming place." He remarked and saw from the unhappy expression she agreed with him wholeheartedly. 

"How long are we to remain in this place?" She asked hoping it was not very long because could not abide having to remain there more than a day. 

"Until the stage is fixed," Nicholas answered as the rumbling in the carriage started to fade away gradually as the stage came to a stop. 

"That cannot be soon enough." She grumbled and Nicholas had to admit he could not disagree with that assessment. 

*********

Nathan and Vin left the saloon together. 

Nathan wanted to take a ride out to the Seminole village to see Rain and tell her the good news. The healer was on such a euphoric high at the moment, he wanted to share it with the woman he loved. It was still so hard to believe a medical degree was within his grasp and it was no pipe dream. All he had to do was launch into his studies with the same kind of determination he launched into everything and someday he would be Doctor Jackson. He liked the sound of that very much. 

"So you gonna head out today?" Vin inquired as the two men walked along the boardwalk together since they were both going each other's way. 

"I think maybe I'll go at dawn tomorrow and surprise Rain." Nathan grinned. "So you and Miss Alex can have your ride in peace this afternoon, in case anything comes up."

By that, of course, he meant any medical emergencies that might occur in town while she was with Vin. Since her arrival in town, Nathan and Alex had taken turns covering for each other whenever the need arose for one of them to leave. 

Vin smiled faintly. "Thanks," he replied quietly and then added, "I'm real glad she did this for you, Nathan. Ain't no one I know who deserves to be a doctor more than you. You saved my skin a couple of times for me to know you're a born healer. I know Alex thinks so too." 

"That's real nice of you to say, Vin," Nathan found himself genuinely touched by the admission. "Some people have a calling, I guess healing folks has always been mine. Always seemed to have a knack for it." 

"It's more than a knack," Vin pointed out as they saw the stage rumbling into town. "You got a way with people that makes 'em trust you." 

Nathan could not say he knew exactly what Vin was talking about but he did know he had been drawn to healing from the first moment he entered the walls of that field hospital during the war. Even now, the stench of old blood lingered in his memory when he recalled the sight of uniformed bodies, whether they were blue or grey, stained in blood, their pain dissolving the cause they fought and would soon die for as well. They wept, screamed, argued and prayed but all wearing the same need in their eyes. He wandered through the halls that first day, watching the doctors hiding their own pain behind their eyes for the ones who could not be saved and taking not enough pleasure from the ones that could. 

"Is the stage meant to be in today?" He asked off-handedly as the carriage thundered past them and came to a halt outside the Four Corners Hotel. 

"I thought it didn't come through here on a Sunday," Vin replied now that he thought about it. Four Corners was not a large enough town to warrant the stage coming on a daily basis. It normally made its arrival in town twice or perhaps three times a week but no more than that. Besides, there were really not many people who wished to visit this particular locality. Four Corners was hardly what one would call the most attractive place in the Territory for a visit, not when it was easy enough to reach Sweetwater or Eagle Bend which was more responsive to tourist needs. Four Corners was still trying to function as a town to go that route at this point. 

The stagecoach driver pulled the team of horses to a standstill before climbing off his perch. Opening the door for the passengers inside the carriage, a man and a young woman stepped out of the compartment and surveyed the town with interest and very quickly Vin saw interest fade into dismay. Judging from their clothes, they were rich and no doubt came from some big city with all its excesses. He could see the young lady in a particular state of dislike. 

Obviously, Four Corners was not the most palatable place for a lady of her naturally sophisticated tastes. 

Nathan could not believe it. 

For a moment, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him because his astonishment was too complete to accept the other alternative, that what he was seeing was no illusion and the man stepping out of the stagecoach was exactly who Nathan believed he was. It was almost twenty years in the past but the memories allowed Nathan to recognize the face just as clearly as if it were only yesterday. A wave of nausea threatened to overwhelm the healer as he stared into the face that had been the source of so many nightmares. How many times had he awakened screaming in the night, covered in sweat while the lingering memory of that face laughed at his impotent fury. 

"Serfonteine," Nathan uttered that one word and started walking. 

"Who?" The tracker asked but received no answer. 

Vin stared after him in confusion as Nathan strode across the street, purpose in every forceful step towards the carriage and its occupants. Instinct forced Vin after Nathan, not knowing why but recognizing trouble on the horizon by all the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. There was something in Nathan's voice Vin had never heard before and it unsettled him. 

Nathan was across the street in no time and it was the stagecoach driver who saw him first. He had on occasion treated the man who went by the name of Charlie Burns for injuries incurred during his stage coaching duties. While the two were not close friends, they were friendly enough when they came across each other.

"Howdy Nathan." He greeted pleasantly as his passengers turned at the sound the rapidly approaching footsteps against the dirt. 

Nathan did not answer and as he drew closer to the man, knew with absolute certainty he was not wrong in his identification. It was him, all right. No doubt about it. 

Without giving quarter or warning, Nathan literally pounced on the man and brought him down like a sack of rice, slamming him hard against the ground. The woman beside him staggered backward and started screaming. 

"Nathan are you crazy!" Charlie shouted as Nathan grappled with Nicholas Serfonteine on the ground. The woman cringed away as Nathan started pummeling the man beneath him with heavy blows. 

"You bastard!" Vin heard Nathan scream as he went to help Charlie to pull the healer off the stranger. The voice Nathan used was unlike anything Vin ever heard Nathan utter. The intensity of the hate in it was beyond description and Vin was at a loss to understand what could inspire such anger, especially from a man who abhorred violence as much as Nathan. It there was anyone in their group that could be relied upon to keep a cool head at all times, it was the healer. Yet watching him tear into the man below him with such brutal rage, Vin knew if he did not stop it soon, Nathan was going end up killing him. 

"Charlie shut that woman up!" Vin snapped as he brushed past the driver and wrapped his arm around Nathan's arm. A small crowd started to form, attracted by the commotion by the time Vin was able to tear Nathan away from the man. It took almost every ounce of strength the tracker possessed to wrench Nathan free of the man but somehow he managed. Nicholas scrambled to his feet, almost as confused as everyone else who was witnessing the event. 

"Nathan take it easy!" Vin tried to reason with his friend, who was in no mind to hear anything. 

"Stay out it, Vin!" Nathan fairly snarled and glared at Vin with a look in his eyes bordering on murder before he started back towards Nicholas again. However, Vin was not about to let him go any further than that and slammed the healer into the side of the stage, forcing his elbow into the man's throat just to get his attention. 

"I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH!" Vin shouted, staring hard into Nathan's eyes so the healer would know he meant what he was saying. 

"You don't know who that is!" Nathan cried out almost hysterically. Vin had never seen him like this and frankly, it shook the tracker to the core. The feral rage Vin saw in his eyes astonished him and he knew he was not going to be able to hold Nathan back for long. 

"I suggest you keep your nigger under control!" The man said viciously as he shook the dust from his expensive clothes and was himself, being restrained by Charlie, who did not want this to escalate any further than it already had. 

Charlie, who also knew Nathan Jackson well and respected him, was almost as mystified by his behaviour as Vin Tanner. 

"Mister, we don't use that word around here." Vin snapped angrily, still keeping a firm grip on Nathan who was struggling to break free of his hold. Vin was using almost every iota of strength in his body to keep Nathan pinned and was grateful when he saw Ezra appear. 

"What is going on?" The gambler asked astonished when he saw Vin struggling to restrain Nathan from going after Nicholas Serfonteine who calmed down enough for Charlie to release his hold. Unfortunately, Vin could not say the same for Nathan. The healer was fighting his grip and Vin was unsure of how much force he would need to use before he ended up hurting Nathan in his attempt to keep him at bay. 

"Just shut up and help me," Vin ordered. Still confused but understanding the urgency of the situation, Ezra brushed past the onlookers and helped Vin keep Nathan from doing anything else to exacerbate the situation. Until he came to help, Ezra had not realized how hard a time Vin was having just keeping Nathan from breaking free. The look on the healer's face was almost rabid. He was fighting the tracker with every inch of his frenzied rage. 

"Where is the law in this town?" The woman demanded. "I want this nigger locked up for this unprovoked attack on my brother!" 

"Your brother is nothing but a murdering rapist!" Nathan shouted in fury and produced a ripple of shock and horror throughout the crowd watching this altercation. Eyes immediately focused on this stranger of which such heinous crimes had been accused. 

Suddenly, the expression in the stranger's face changed as understanding poured into his eyes with that statement even as the woman recoiled from Nathan's harsh words. His eyes narrowed as if looking at Nathan for the first time and the barest hint of a smile curled his lips into a look of recognition. 

"Well, well, if it isn't Ajax." Nicholas grinned; finally comprehending what this was all about. "Not the response I'd expect from an old acquaintance." 

"That ain't my name!" Nathan screamed with such renewed vigour he almost broke free from the combined efforts of Vin and Ezra to keep him from tearing out the man's throat out with his bare hands. Both men had seen Nathan set enough bones and dislocated joints to know there was enough strength in his hands to do just that. "My name is Nathan! Nathan Jackson and you ain't my master no more to be calling me that!" 

Both Vin and Ezra exchanged glances as they began to realize why Nathan was acting the way he was. 

"Oh shit," Vin muttered under his breath, as he understood the source of all of Nathan's rage. "Mister," he turned sharply at the stranger. "I don't know who you are and I really don't care but it would be best if you got out his face before he does something none of us can stop." 

"He needs to be locked up," the man said viciously and just to be spiteful, added with a cruel sneer, "or at least subject to another good whipping to teach him his place." 

That did it. 

Whatever control Nathan had remaining, shattered at that moment. He broke free like a man possessed and lunged at his former master like a caged animal. He drove the stranger straight into the dirt and pulled his fist back to begin a fresh beating when his arm was caught from behind before he could strike a blow. Nathan turned around sharply to attack whomever who had dared to stop him when he found himself staring into the cold, blue eyes of Chris Larabee. 

"That's enough Nathan." The gunslinger said with enough of an edge to his voice to penetrate the red haze of anger robbing the most sedate member of his group of all good sense. Chris grip was strong enough to keep Nathan's fist from making contact with Nicholas Serfonteine's face. "You can't change what happened like this. You kill him and you'll only force us to take you in. Don't do that to us." Chris paused and then added. "Please." 

Nathan swallowed hard because the words penetrated, from the only person who might possibly know what he was feeling although even Chris could not fathom all of it. No white man ever could. He was shaking when he finally stepped away from the fallen man, never wanting to kill as much as he did at this moment. However, Chris was right. Murdering this piece of trash was not going to bring Rebecca back, nothing would. 

Unfortunately, Nathan could not let this go. 

"This ain't over." He met Chris's gaze and declared in no uncertain terms. 

Chris exchanged a worried glance with Vin and Ezra and knew he was probably right. This was far from over.

Chapter Two
The Coming Storm

When Alexandra Styles saw Julia Pemberton walk into her office later that day, she viewed the arrival of the Emporium owner with little concern or distress. After their adventure in Denver or the adventure that kept them from ever reaching the city, Alex had come to an uneasy understanding with the woman who drove herself and Ezra Standish apart. Considering the feelings she had been harbouring about Vin at the time, Alex knew it was her pride that was injured not her heart. In fact, as odious as Julia's behaviour had been, it allowed Alex to finally confront her feelings about Vin and considering how happy she was, Alex felt a little of the dislike for Julia fading away.

However, the usual arrogance in Julia's face was gone and the look in her eyes as she seated herself in Alex's office was one of fear, immediately giving Alex concern from a medical standpoint. There was something in her manner, indicating to the doctor, something was causing her a great deal of distress and Alex immediately gave Julia her undivided attention. Instead of conducting the initial consultation in the cold confines of her clinic, she led Julia upstairs to her house where they sat in the parlour and had tea. Alex had learned enough about putting her patients at ease in order to gain their confidence to know this was a necessary gesture if she wanted Julia to speak about what was troubling her so much.

Julia sipped tea as they spoke about trivial things, while she knew precisely what Alex was doing and felt guiltier than ever how she had treated the doctor over Ezra. For the first time, she began to realize what Ezra so vehemently imparted to her that day but like everything else in her life, it was knowledge that came too late.

"I appreciate you are trying to put me at ease." Julia finally decided to move past the inane chatter Alex was attempting to disarm her with. "I guess it shows just how frightened I am you would go to so much trouble."

Alex nodded slightly. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"I believe I am pregnant." Julia revealed and saw the surprise on Alex's face.

It took the doctor another few seconds to realize this was not at all happy news.

"Are you sure? I should do an examination to confirm it."

"Yes I expected you would wish to." Julia said quietly. "But that is not what I am here for."

Suddenly, Alex had a pretty good idea what Julia required of her but she chose not to leap to conclusions. She prayed she was wrong about this but said nothing. "Go on."

"I don't want it." Julia said meeting her gaze. "I am not ready for a child. I am not and neither is Ezra. I won't force a child on him and I refuse to have it. I know doctors can take care of these things."

Alex turned away, wishing she could give Julia the answer she wished but knowing it was impossible. The ethical concerns aside, there were some professional ones that could not be hurdled whatever the justification and the justification in this case did not warrant her undertaking such a procedure. "Julia, please..." Alex stopped her from going any further. "I can't help you."

"But you can do this!" Julia cried out almost in desperation as she saw her last avenue of escape suddenly disappear before her eyes. "You're the best surgeon I know, you could get rid of it."

"I can but I'm professionally and ethically bound not to." Alex tried to explain and her words sounded hollow even as she spoke. "Julia, it against the law for me to perform a procedure like this. I am bound by the oath I took as a healer to do no harm and by the tenets of modern dogma, this is considered wrong. I agree it is unfair but if I were to do this and it were discovered, aside from the fact I would probably lose my licence, it is a criminal offence. You would almost certainly be jailed for it and me right along with you."

"I don't care!" Julia snapped. "I don't care about jail, I just want it gone!"

There was never going to be an easy way to refuse her but Alex knew she had no choice but to do so. As much as she wanted to help Julia, her conditioning to the laws binding her as physician were too strong to break. She understood all too well what Julia was going through and herself dealt with the issue of contraception ever since she began a sexual relationship with Vin. Thanks to her father's travels across the world, garnering medical knowledge from the most unorthodox sources, Alex had no need of Vin using any sort of protection. A concoction of herbs and juniper leaves drunk in tea on a daily basis ensured she would not have to face the possibility of children at least until she was ready. Otherwise, she would find herself in the same position Julia was now struggling to escape.

"I can't help you," Alex implored the frantic woman, trying to understand her decision was not based on any personal desire but the laws she swore to obey when she took the Hippocratic oath. They were not merely words to her. She lived her life by the creed. "Perhaps if you should think about giving it up for adoption if you really don't want it." It was a hollow suggestion and not much comfort to someone in Julia's state of mind, but Alex had no idea what else to say to her. There was no way Alex could conceivably perform this procedure in good conscience and yet a part of the doctor wished it was not so because Julia's desperation concerned her.

"That's no answer." Julia retorted and confirmed how fragile her state of mind was. Ezra would never agree to it and that would mean sequestering herself somewhere for a year of her life while she had the child. She had a role in the community now, a public presence that would be questioned if she disappeared for a length of time. "Ezra may be afraid of fatherhood but there is no way he would allow me to give up a child of his, under any circumstances." The truth was, Julia did not know whether she could do the same as well. She may not want the child but if it arrived in the world, she could not shirk her responsibility to it.

"Julia, I'm so sorry..." Alex tried to make Julia understand she did not like refusing her. In her own opinion, Alex felt no one had a right to dictate to a woman what should or should not be done with her own body. However, the determination of life in an unborn foetus was an area they knew nothing about. At what point did a collection of cells transcend the ignominy of being a growth into something alive and possessing consciousness? Perhaps in the future, the determination could be made but for now, it was considered nothing less than murder and the doctor in Alex was abhorred the word to perform such surgery.

"This is because of Ezra, isn't it?" Julia barked, the refusal finally snapping the composure she had been trying to maintain.

"Julia of course not," Alex knew there was no malice in her words, just the fear that was driving it. "Ezra is my friend and so are you. I just can't do what you ask." Even as the words left her mouth, Alex felt them sour inside her throat. She wanted to help Julia because Alex could see how terrified she was. Perhaps she could do it just this once....after all, what she had done to Randall Mason. No, Alex stopped the thought from forming completely. Hypocritical as it might be, killing Randall was a necessity. At least that was what she told herself.

"You still hate me because of Ezra!" Julia declared and leapt to her feet. "You've finally getting your revenge! I'm sorry about Ezra! I was wrong to treat you that way but I have nowhere else to turn!"

She started to cry and Alex felt her heart sink because that was not it at all. More than anything, she wanted to help Julia but what Julia was asking for was something she could not do. Alex had never even seen the procedure done before. It was delicate surgery with have serious ramifications if she made a mistake.

"Julia please!" Alex tried to calm her down, desperately attempting to convince the woman her decision had nothing to do with Ezra at all. "We'll think of some other solution and I do want to help you! I just can't help you this way." She placed a hand of comfort on Julia's shoulder.

"Please Alex," Julia started to beg. "I don't know what else to do. I just know I can't carry this child. I'm so afraid."

"Julia, even if I wanted to do this operation, barring the legalities of it and all, I have never seen it done. It’s not the kind of procedure one attempts with no prior knowledge. I know in theory how it works but not actually how to do it. If I were to make a mistake, the damage to you would be severe and I'm not prepared to risk your future ability to have children on what I hope I can do." Alex explained, moved by Julia's tears to a point where she actually considered doing it. "Think about what I'm saying Julia. I know children may not be what you want right now but in the future, it might be and I won't jeopardize that for you by going in blind."

Julia composed herself and nodded, surprised by the honesty in Alex's voice, knowing she was genuinely attempting to help. Alex was right, even though Julia was hated the idea of having children now, it was not to say she would not be similarly disposed in the future. She knew Ezra talked about a family someday and despite his cavalier scorn towards the subject, there was just enough longing in his voice to indicate he had not discounted the possibility.

"I'm afraid Alex," Julia whispered softly, knowing now that while Alex wanted to help, Julia could not look to her for assistance. She had one other alternative left, which she would keep to herself for now. While she felt some measure of resentment at Alex's refusal to perform the surgery that would make her problem disappear in a haze of sedatives, she knew it was not motivated out of any sense of malice. Julia could see Alex held an honest fear her inexperience might do more harm than good. "I know I can't have a child and while I wish it gone, I am not comfortable with that idea any more than the first." Julia sucked in her breath as she tried to will some of the fear away.

"I wish I knew how to help you, but I cannot do what you ask."

"I understand," Julia nodded and met the doctor's gaze after a moment of thought. "Can we please do the examination anyway? I would like to know how far a long I am, it would assist me when I make a decision."

"Of course, Does Ezra know?"

"Yes," Julia nodded slowly as they rose from the seats in the parlour and started moving towards the clinic again. "He proposed."

"Always the gentlemen." Alex found herself smiling, pleased Ezra at least tried to do the right thing even though Julia was not receptive to the idea.

"This time out of obligation, I think. It’s not the way I wish to hear his proposal."

Alex could not disagree with that wish, although now she thought about it, Vin had never really spoken anything in the nature of a commitment. Alex knew he loved her and she certainly loved him but they never once approached the subject and she could not help wondering why. After all, they felt for each other with great intensity, why hadn't he proposed or even make some formal acknowledgment they were courting? A question for another time, she decided. Right now, Alex was determined to see to it Julia did not do anything rash. If there was one thing, she had come to learn about Julia Pemberton during their past association, pleasant or unpleasant, it was that she was prone to taking extreme measures to get what she wanted.

Alex prayed it would not come to that because Julia may not survive it.

*********

"Are you sure it’s him?" Josiah asked Nathan as the healer was pacing the floor of his infirmary. The rest of the seven were watching him closely, perfectly aware it was only their presence keeping Nathan from running to the hotel where Nicholas Serfonteine was currently in residence with his sister Violet to kill the man.

"Of course I'm sure!" Nathan barked. How could they even ask such a question? "It’s him. A lot years can go by and but I'll know that son of a bitch until I die or until I kill him, whichever comes first."

"Nathan, it was a long time ago." Josiah tried to reason with the man but knew there was nothing anyone of them could say that would reach Nathan or make what Serfonteine did right. No words had the power to right that much pain. "I know he can't be prosecuted for what he did during his slave owning days but killing him ain't right."

Josiah better than anyone, knew what Nathan had endured at Serfonteine's hand. When Josiah found Nathan all those years ago, a mere boy, lying in the dirt after exhaustion had beaten him as surely as the whip that tore his flesh, Josiah had wanted the man dead too. No one could look at those rips of torn skin on the boy's back and not be moved by the amount of determination and sheer will that had driven Nathan to escape and elude his captors over two states. For five days, Josiah tended his wounds, fought the fever that made the boy whimper and sob for the sister who was obviously dead.

"Killing him is the least he deserves." Nathan glared at Josiah with a voice so filled with hatred it sent a cold shiver through the spine of everyone in the room. "I aim to make him pay."

"You're not a killer Nathan." Chris spoke up, seeing Josiah was not reaching the man although Chris had not really expected anyone of them could. This was something deeply personal none of them understood. Chris could not imagine what horrors a man might endure or what memories he might hold of those times when he was held in servitude to another man. Chris remembered the plantations of the south well enough to know if Nathan wanted this man dead, then he probably had a good reason for it.

"For him, I'm make a goddamn exception." The healer said with unbidden venom. "Don't underestimate how much I want this bastard dead. He's done things he's going pay for, one way or the other."

"Mr Jackson," Ezra spoke, feeling weary enough as it was at the way things were progressing in Four Corners today. As it was, Julia's situation had him in knots and he was poised on the edge of panic. "I am probably the last person who ought to make comment on this but I feel I should. If you harm this man, you will be ending everything you worked so hard to build here. You are a respected healer in these parts by the townsfolk and certainly everyone in this room. Do what you intend and you will end all that as surely as if he put a bullet to your head and pulled the trigger."

"Yeah Doc," Vin took up Ezra's slack, seeing the indecision creeping into Nathan's gaze as Ezra brought this most convincing argument to light. "Alex said you can be a doctor in four years if you work at it. Don't throw it away because of that kind of scum."

Nathan said nothing and bit down hard, feeling the rage bubble inside him each time Serfonteine's face surfaced in his mind. Beneath that terrible visage was something else that made him burn with even more fiery hatred and it was that face he could not ignore. It was Rebecca who demanded justice not him. He was its instrument of its delivery.

"The scum as you called it," Nathan said quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear. "Raped and murdered my fourteen year old sister. He beat to death after he forced himself on her and I couldn't do nothing but watch! Do you have any idea what it’s like? Any of you? To have to see that and then have to look at the man and be forced to call him Master? Do you!"

No one could answer and Chris realized how unmovable Nathan would be on the subject. Of course, he was right. No one could possibly imagine what it was like to go through that. Chris would have killed the man on the spot oblivious to the consequences to himself and he had a feeling the terrible scars he once saw on Nathan's back might have been the result of just one of those consequences.

"Jesus Nathan," Buck said softly. "I'm sorry." Of all people in the room, Buck knew what it was like to lose a loved one to such villainy and yet Nathan's situation was completely different to what he had faced when his young fiancée Alice was raped and later forced to take her own life.

"I can't let this go." Nathan paced the floor once again, grappling with indecision. He wanted to kill Serfonteine. The desire to do so was so incredibly potent the healer could think of nothing else and despite his ambivalence to the entreaties made by his friends, some of what they said penetrated. He did have a life in Four Corners. He had the respect of his friends and the townsfolk who saw him as a healer and the dream of becoming a real doctor was no longer just a fantasy, it had in the last day, taken on tangible substance. If he were to take Serfonteine's life in vengeance, everything he accomplished in Four Corners would die with the man. He thought of his father Obediah who went to his grave believing Nathan was a good man. If he did this, he wouldn't be that any longer.

"Nathan I don't know what to say to you." Josiah tried once more. "He ain't fit to live for what he's done. You got no argument from anyone in this room on that point but kill him and you throw your own life away. Ask yourself if that's what your sister wanted."

Nathan blinked and stared at Josiah at the mention of Rebecca and found himself faced with an argument he could not brush away because he was right.

Rebecca would not want him to die at the hands of the man who took her life when he had so much to live for in his own. Nathan let out a breath that was almost a shudder. It wrenched him inside out to admit they were right, Rebecca would not want this, and he could not bring himself to shame the memory of her by another brutal act of violence. It was not how she would have wanted things.

"We gotta live Nathan," she always whispered when they spent the nights staring into the stars, talking about nonsensical things that would never in their reckoning be true. "We gotta survive this cause I know it ain't forever."

He had not believed her because an eternity of servitude was all he ever knew, as it was for his father before him and his grandfather whom Nathan never met because his father was sold away as a babe. However, Rebecca believed it because she was hopeful and her faith was well that could not run dry. So he had to survive for her.

"All right," Nathan nodded begrudgingly, his dark eyes moving across the faces of the men in the room, men who would move heaven and earth for him and he for them. He never believed such loyalty could exist between people of different coloured skin but the seven was a circle of power. It was a mystical number that strengthened them all even though none would speak of it out loud.

"I'll let it go." His voice had almost disappeared into a whisper. "I'd let it go because you're right Josiah," his eyes glistened like black onyx as the emotion welled in them. "Becky wouldn't want this."

He was a visible sigh of relief in all their faces as held breaths were released and the tension seeped from the room like rising mist. It was at this point Nathan understood just how afraid they were for him even though they each wore the facade hiding that fear. It was clearest in J.D. because he was the youngest and six men who allowed him into their fellowship had become his family. Its dissolution frightened him even more than the worst gun-toting bandit.

In Vin Tanner, it was relief, pure and simple. Vin knew all about being marked as Ely Joe marked him so terribly, he now lived the life of a fugitive when all the tracker wanted to do was fade away. It had never mattered so much to Vin before, having a bounty on his head but his world had expanded beyond the seven. Now it encompassed a woman with whom he wished to build a future and could not as long as he was still a wanted man. Nathan could see it in Vin's usually impenetrable eyes he did not want Nathan to squander a second chance he would give dearly to have.

There was fear in Ezra's face but it had nothing to do with Nathan's situation, this much the healer was certain. However, what he saw in the fancy man's blue eyes was still concern although his thoughts seemed preoccupied. Nathan remembered how Ezra had spoken so eloquently and felt his anger diminish knowing Ezra defied convention to call him friend even though when they had first met, there was a narrow margin of difference between the gambler and Serfonteine.

Buck Wilmington looked at Nathan and the healer saw understanding wrestling with the similar need to see justice done. He knew what it was like to lose a woman in such a heart breaking way and suffered the same arrow of pain through his heart when he was forced to let her killer walk away.

"Why don't you go to see Rain as planned Nathan?" Josiah suggested after a moment, breaking the silence in the room. "Get out and see the folks up the village. It’s gotta be time for you to be checking up on them." Josiah wanted Nathan far away from Four Corners while Serfonteine was in town. While his former master was in his presence, it would be a constant reminder of what Serfonteine had done to his sister and even Nathan was capable of losing his temper, no matter how much he may have been resolved to keep his word to them.

"You mean leave town so I don't tear Serfonteine a new one." Nathan managed a humourless smile.

"Something like that." Chris made himself heard. The gunslinger allowed Josiah to do the talking because the preacher knew Nathan the longest, it now appeared. Josiah had not told him the specific circumstances of their meeting but Chris had a feeling the death of Nathan's sister was not a surprise to him. He reminded himself to ask Josiah just what he knew about the specifics of the tragedy when they were away from here. "In the meantime, some of us will perhaps make it a little easier for him to understand its time he be leaving."

"Yeah," Buck agreed wholeheartedly, giving Chris a sidelong glance that told the latter he had every intention of participating in what Chris like to a call a 'friendly show of force'. "A little friendly persuasion never hurt anybody."

"Count me in." J.D. replied, showing his determination to help by following the other's lead. He had never seen a plantation in his life but he read books and Uncle Tom's cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe had burned itself into his memory and later his hide when his mother caught him with a copy. She called it a testament to human ugliness he had no business tainting himself with knowing. He had forgotten about it until the day he had heard Vin and Buck speaking in whispers about the scars on Nathan's back and the terrible things he had read in that book, surfaced once again in J.D.'s mind.

"I'll make it easy for you. I'll got to the Seminole village first thing come dawn." Nathan sighed, knowing this was their polite way of asking or rather Chris Larabee's attempt at diplomacy. Nathan had no doubt if he had refused to go, it was highly likely that the gunslinger would have him guarded by the others until Serfonteine was no longer in danger. Chris cared for no one's sensibilities when it meant protecting their lives, whatever their reasons might be. "You don't gotta worry about me doing anything stupid."

"I hope not." Chris replied and a sliver of ice crept into his voice that made all of them shiver. "If you do anything to harm that man, we won't be able to protect you. It may not be us that come after you but you can bet your ass someone will. If that little sister of his is anything to go by, his family will react to you killing him, they'll send everyone they can, after you."

"Marks not an easy thing to live with Nathan." Vin added. "You don't want to be carrying one." He spoke as someone who had perfect understanding of what it was like to be a hunted man.

"You just keep him out of town." Nathan growled as he tried to submerge the hatred he felt inside for Nicholas Serfonteine. It attacked him relentlessly, even though he was being overwhelmed by the good intentions of his friends. The hatred seemed to rebel at the attempts to pacify it, making the reason slip from his mind like the pull of a taut piece of a string until breaking point was just a tug away. "You keep him out of town and away from me."

"Rest assured Mr Jackson," Ezra spoke, breaking out of his silence long enough to make that comment. "I am certain that after your very public announcement regarding his former activities, there would be very little reason for Mr Serfonteine to remain in Four Corners."

Nathan was sceptical because he knew Nicholas Serfonteine better than any of them did. The man was as soulless and remorseless a creature as Nathan had ever encountered. Even before he raped and murdered Rebecca, Nathan had heard about the terrible punishments inflicted upon the others slaves in the plantation. Amputations for constant runaways, whippings and tortures just for his pleasure, the man was a brutal sadist but he dared practice his savagery only on the slaves. Nathan was his fencing partner for years and if he had not quickly learnt the art, Nathan was sure he would have been dead by now, run through by a sword long before the man had even considered putting his filthy hands on Rebecca.

"You would think wouldn't you Ezra," he said softly. "But I'll be it ain't so. It ain't gonna be that simple at all."

Chris saw the burning inside Nathan's eyes and could not admit to himself or anyone else that the healer was right. It was not going to be over with that much simplicity for there was a chill in the air that promised a storm on the horizon. They could all feel it in their bones.

They just could not bring themselves to admit it.

*********

She was so beautiful.

Her skin was soft and firm. The kind a man could lose his touch in a thousand times over. When he held her lips to his, he knew she wanted him. Nicholas could feel the taut desire in her young body even though she fought him with virgin naiveté. Her hands tried to force him away as she clung to the shreds of her virtue, her body writhing underneath him, the bedding trapping her against him. Her legs clamped shut and he had to admire her restraint as she fought the will of her mutual lust, even when he had slipped his own between her slender thighs and forced them apart.

"Please no Master..." He had heard her moan.

Her pleas made him more aroused than he ever believed possible and when he held his hand over her mouth to silence her, for the moment was simply too beautiful to ruin with words, she had responded erotically with a bite that barely registered as pain. It served only to force the urgency building in his manhood and he decided to play her rough games, striking her hard and delighting into her loud cries of pain and pleasure.

He watched her for some time now and wondered if her mother was perhaps not a full Negress for there was elements of her features that spoke a beauty present in none of the others in the slave quarters. Her brother was no half-caste but he was certain she was. He watched her acting as a serving maid in the house, his eyes always following her only to be rewarded with an apprehensive stare in return as she scampered away into new hiding places where he could not taunt her with his presence.

When he willed courage enough into himself to visit the slave quarters, the others stepped aside, knowing the Master emerging into their realm by night, was finally coming to claim what was his and only his. He sent her brother away earlier that evening on some errand and expected she would be alone when he arrived. She was. He knew her name was Becky because the others called her that.

"Please Master!" She heard him plead and felt himself harden knowing that desired voice wanted him as lustily as he wanted her. He pressed his mouth against her and swam when her lips tasted like honey. She fought him but then he expected that, for she was young and all virgins whatever colour of their skin, were naturally shy and inhibited. It only required him to draw out the sensuality beneath the years of conditioning all women were forced to obey.

When her nails dug into his skin, he felt himself slide into heaven and the pleasure that came with her sharp nails tearing his arm as she forced him away or tried to resist her own raging needs, snapped the restraint within him. Her words said no but her tone spoke an urgent want to be taken so fierce, he could do nothing but surrender completely to it.

Nicholas Serfonteine remembered little of what happened after that, knowing only when he was done with the slave girl everyone called Rebecca, he was covered in her blood. He stared into her face and saw a multitude of bruises. She was pretty when he had first lain with her but not anymore. The features that struck him so completely while she played the part of serving girl was little more than pulpish flesh. It was fortunate her eyes were so swollen he could not see them, for Nicholas doubted he would have been able to stomach the sight of human eyes from that grotesque mess of ruined skin.

The haze lifted over his eyes and the drink worked its way out of his system at about the same time he reached apex in his release of orgasmic pleasure. She lay before him still and through the vague shape of his memories, remembered she had stopped struggling shortly before he had climaxed, although he could not recall which one it was. He was with her for several hours and pleasured her in so many different ways, giving her neither time to recoup as his lust made him virtually inexhaustible. He had staggered away from her squalid quarters, bumping into her brother on the way out....what had been his name...that's right, Ajax.

The boy was no more than seventeen but already he was starting to become a full grown buck. It was time to move him into the fields, Nicholas found himself thinking as he staggered out of the room, spent and sticky with the sweat from the exhilarating encounter. It was a shame, he thought as he moved towards the house of white marble that was the centrepiece of the plantation called Avalon. The boy was a skilful fencing partner but he had to be practical. It was not wise to give a slave too much experience in the use of such deadly weapons. Nicholas made his way up the wide steps, seeing the dim light of his sister's bedroom illuminating the night sky through her window.

"Bastard!" He heard a tortured cry that forced him around and he saw Ajax glaring at him at the foot of the steps, looking like devil had crossed into this world and had paused in the young man's face. "You killed her!"

That was the extent of the threat he posed. No sooner than that vicious remark was made, his trusted foreman and lackeys descended on the boy like a pack of wolves. They had him bound and ready for punishment even before Nicholas was aware of the danger that might have been. Of course, there had to be an example although in retrospect, there was little relish to be had from a whipped slave who would do nothing but weep for the sister who died. They had cut him down and left him to the ministrations of the other slaves and Nicholas was content it was definitely time for Ajax to make his debut in the fields. However, the next day he was gone.

They tracked him as far as the Georgia state line and a little further into Kentucky. Nicholas was sure he had died, the injuries on his body were simply too extensive to allow him to make that journey without fatal consequences.

Nicholas shrugged it off and accepted the loss, knowing it was probably better that he were dead for he would not like the punishment if he ever set foot in Avalon again.

But he had not died. He escaped and was now a free man. Nicholas stared out the window of the dusty town of Four Corners, watching the place Ajax had now called home. He could understand why a runaway slave might make a home of this place. There seemed to be every kind roaming the streets, Nigras and Mexicans. There was certainly a varied assortment in occupation in this principality and knowing Ajax was a part of all this made Nicholas sick to his stomach, particularly when he saw how the man was defended by a host of white men against their own kind. Even southerner had stood with the slave against him. A southerner! The outrage Nicholas felt at that state of affairs was more than he could stand.

What they needed here was some decent values and a firm reminder of how things should be instead of how they were allowed to disintegrate.

"I cannot believe those men represent the law in this town." Violet exclaimed, fanning herself with the lace fan as she sat on the divan, recovering from the excitement earlier that day. The entire experience left the young woman so astonished and outraged she had no wish to leave the room, which in itself was something of a minor miracle. After all, she seldom preferred to remain indoors for any reason and was always out for a stroll to absorb local culture as she liked to describe it.

"This is a small frontier village," Nicholas remarked, still staring out the window, when he caught sight of a most dazzling creature. For a moment, Violet's words seemed to drift off into the distance as he watched the siren walking down the boardwalk, trailing a cascade of shimmering gold hair behind her. He saw her purposeful walk as she continued down the street and wondered who she was and knew without doubt that he was going nowhere until he found out. "Decent values do not seem as set here as they do in more respectable locations my dear sister."

"Well something ought to be done." Violet snapped, pouring herself another cup of lemon tea as she complained. "It is a sad state of affairs when a Nigra can address a gentleman in that manner. It seems the days were must simpler when the slaves were still on the plantation."

"Of course they were," Nicholas said with a faint smile, glancing at her long enough to feel a swell of pride at the spectacular success of the values he had instilled in her. "Those were wonderful times. You were of course too young to remember the days before daddy and I were forced to go fight the damn Yankees."

"Yes," she said longingly, feeling a pang of sadness at being born so late and having missed the height of southern glory. "I for one shall not be sad to put this place behind us. It is utterly appalling."

Nicholas paused, knowing his next bit of news was not going to be received well and braced himself for the eventual discourse that would arise after its announcement. "Actually, I do not believe we will be moving on so soon."

Violet's eyes flung open. "Pardon me, I thought I heard you say we were remaining here in this God forsaken pit."

He turned away from the window now that his golden haired goddess disappeared from view, making a mental note to seek her out at a later date. "Your hearing is as impeccable as ever. We are indeed remaining here for the time being."

"Why?" She exclaimed in open dismay. "Why on Earth would you want to stay in this place!"

"Let us say that it has inspired my sense of order to bring some morality into this oasis of contamination." Nicholas grinned, enjoying her annoyance very much.

"They will kill you brother dear!" She rose to her feet and declared. "Those men have guns and that awful, awful Nigra said that he was going to hurt you!"

"He won't do anything." Nicholas assured her, meeting her at the seat and reinforcing his promise by a comforting hand to her shoulder. "I am protected by the law because the crime he believes me guilty of is not a crime that is punishable in any court of law. Fortunately, no one wishes to see the upheaval of slave practices in any shape or form so I am free and untouchable."

"Not to a bullet." She pointed out directly.

Nicholas smiled faintly, "Not judging by how fast they pulled him off me. Ajax doesn't have it in him to be a killer. He never did."

"Nathan," she said not ready to believe him. "His name is Nathan now."

"Whatever," he dismissed the notion. "In any case, I shall be remaining in town for a few days, just to see what develops. If you like, I shall put you on the stage when it is repaired and you can return to Avalon."

She considered it. He could tell by the way her lips pursed that she was thinking about going home but he knew his sister well. While Violet may purport to being the genteel southern belle, she did hate being away from the centre of any excitement and she could tell his remaining in Four Corners was certainly going to generate a great deal of it.

Predictably, she responded in the answer he had expected. "Well perhaps I shall linger here and keep you company." She said breathlessly. "I am in no mood to make the journey home alone although your attempts to bring decent southern values to this godless place will provide me with some entertainment."

"You are indeed a vicious creature." He laughed and then remarked. "However, I have no intention of endeavouring such a herculean task on my own. I am afraid I shall have to make a trip to the local telegraph office and request some of my associates to make a little trip."

"Brother dear," she looked at him critically. "Are you attempting to create some mischief in the fair town of Four Corners?"

Nicholas Serfonteine did not answer but rewarded her with nothing more than a smile, which was response enough to those who knew how to read it.

*********

Ezra Standish stared into the amber fluid at the bottom of his glass, so far away from where he was, even Chris Larabee was moved to curiosity by the expression of utter blankness in those normally observant eyes. After the situation with Nathan was concluded to some degree, the group disbanded with Chris and Ezra making their way here while Josiah and Vin stayed close to Nathan for the time being with Buck and J.D. retiring to the jailhouse.

If there was one thing, Chris had learned about Ezra during all the time of their acquaintance was the man did not know how to shut up. Ezra enjoyed speaking, sometimes just to hear his own voice, Chris decided. However, on this occasion, the gambler was strangely silent. He had been somewhat distracted even when they were trying to pacify Nathan. Although Chris sensed his concern to be no less than the rest of the seven, there was something else on Ezra's mind, the gambler was unprepared to reveal.

Although they were not close, not the way Chris was close to Vin Tanner or held old friendships with Buck, Chris had come to consider Ezra a friend. He knew Ezra was no longer the person who ran away during their first adventure and left his comrades in arms to face a fanatical Confederate army. Ezra had put his life on the line for the others and himself personally more times than Chris could even begin to count, to ever distrust the man again. Intrusion was not in Chris's vocabulary but he was mellowing these days, Besides, with Nathan threatening to go off the rails at any moment over the escalating situation with Nicholas Serfonteine, Chris wanted to head off any problem that might arise from Ezra's sudden lapse.

"Something wrong?" Chris asked having sat at the same table with Ezra for almost twenty minutes without the gambler saying a word. Chris had asked just to break the length of silence that slipped from awkward to ridiculous.

"Nothing you could help me with Mr Larabee." Ezra said not looking away from his glass.

"Try me." Chris probed deeper, feeling properly challenged now.

Ezra's gaze shifted to meet Chris. His fluid blue eyes, with tinges of sea depth green stared into the similarly coloured pool of ice that was Chris Larabee's eyes and considered the question. Ezra found himself debating whether he wanted to let anyone in on this most private turmoil he now found himself trapped within. Of course, as a confidant, he could pick no one better. Chris had more secrets than anyone of them did and it was not often the gunslinger cared to ask. That had to count for something.

"At the risk of you taking my head off, I'll need to ask you a rather personal question."

Chris stiffened, wondering what Ezra's game was and whether or not he really wanted to get himself involved. After a second, Chris realized he had been the one to make the opening gesture and so he should at least try to help before he slammed the door back in Ezra's face. "Okay, ask me."

"When you found out that you were going to be a father, how did it effect you?"

Of all the questions, Ezra could have asked of him that was the one Chris least expected. For a moment, he had to make sure the gambler was actually serious and not softening him up for an even worse invasion of privacy, but no such thing happened. Ezra was looking at him with expectation, waiting for an answer. Chris considered the question. How had he felt when Sarah told him?

"Happy, a little scared maybe but mostly happy." He remembered her face, her smiling face when she announced the news and how she felt in his arms when he picked her up and embraced her from the sheer pleasure of learning they were not just two but soon to be three. Suddenly, Chris could truly appreciate why he found Mary sobbing earlier this morning. He crushed the twinge of pain tugging at his heart at the memory.

"Did you ever think that you weren't ready?" Ezra asked. "That it was not time?"

"Hell Ezra," Chris shrugged, starting to understand why Ezra was so far away. He wondered if the question was mere curiosity or had something happened to Ezra to force the gambler to give the subject serious thought. "I was married by then. I wasn't ready to be a father a hundred percent, I don't think any man ever is but I knew it could happen and so I was a little prepared when it did. I do know when I held Adam in my hands for the first time, it was like nothing I could describe." Chris felt the emotion surfacing again and cleared his throat to force away the pain.

The moment was etched forever in his mind that first instance when the doctor handed him this small bundled wrapped in soft wool. Pink, wrinkly and hardly looking at all happy to be where it was in Chris's arms and yet the gunslinger felt the world change for him the first time he looked into that tiny face. He was a cynical man most of his life, with little faith in people and the way of the world but when he looked into his son's face for the first time, he felt his faith restored the way nothing had been able to do, not even Sarah. Perhaps now he understood why he was plunged into oblivion when Adam was gone.

"Julia's pregnant." Ezra found the words tumbling from his lips, knowing Chris would keep the news absolutely confidential.

Chris had more or less expected it. "What are you going to do?"

"She is frightened to death and frankly Mr. Larabee, so am I."

"Doesn't change things Ezra," Chris replied. "A child is still coming."

"She is not ready." Ezra swallowed, never realizing how difficult it was to speak of such a thing. He never considered the idea of having a family or even a wife for that matter. He loved Julia but he had this strange notion they would remain as they would, untouched by time or the world in the little universe of their own making. "She is even less ready than I am. I at least had the presence of mind to propose but she is terrified. She cannot even conceive of it."

"She's young and unmarried. She's got plenty reason to be scared." Chris reminded him. "It ain't as easy for women as it is for us. We can walk away but the moment it starts showing, she better be married or she'd be ruined in the eyes of the others."

"Was Mrs Larabee ever afraid at the thought of impending motherhood?"

"She was but I tried to help her through it. It helped we both going in blind together, kind of partner in misery sort of thing." Chris said with the barest hint of a smile. "Maybe you ought to show her it ain't just her that's scared."

"Julia is not as accommodating as your sainted wife Mr Larabee," Ezra sighed. "If truth be known, she is actually quite an unmitigated pain in the ass."

"Who is carrying your child."

Ezra looked at him abruptly and was forced to concede that point. "Yes and I could just ride out of here and not ever look back. It would be so easy to do so wouldn't it Mr Larabee? To be completely without responsibility or conscience?"

"It would be," Chris nodded and then added. "Except you ain't that person no more."

Ezra smiled, touched Chris would go so far out on a limb to make that statement. "No I am not and it looks to me I have a great deal of thinking to do."

Chris could not argue with him there. He certainly did have a great deal of thinking to do.

*********

When Nathan emerged from his infirmary having been convinced by Josiah that a decent game of cards was what he needed, the healer actually believed it was good idea. He knew that both Vin and Josiah were reluctant to leave him alone, not when the anger he felt towards Nicholas Serfonteine was still so fresh in his mind. In truth, Nathan knew they were not far wrong from that assertion, because if not for it going against everything Rebecca dreamed for him and the cost of everything he achieved in this town, he would have killed the man without a moment's hesitation. There were too many painful memories inside Nathan Jackson's mind to ever let bygones be bygones. While he could not act upon it, Nathan nonetheless wanted the man dead.

It was mid-afternoon in Four Corners and the townsfolk seemed to have forgotten all about his altercation with the new arrivals, when the healer finally made a public appearance once again. People were enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon and Nathan felt a pang of guilt knowing Vin was here guarding him when he was actually meant to be with Alexandra Styles on their ride.

"You know you don't gotta nursemaid me." Nathan replied, a good deal calmer than he had been. "I know you and Miss Alex were supposed to go riding." He pointed out.

Vin shrugged as they continued up the boardwalk past the shops that were closed on Sunday. There were still people about window shopping though and the mood was one of relative peace, as peaceful as it ever got in a frontier town like Four Corners. "There's still plenty of daylight and Alex don't mind watching sunsets."

"You're a poet and a romantic." Josiah pointed out and immediately sent the tracker into wave of crimson embarrassment at such a description.

"Well if you're going to get all sappy on me preacher, I'll just leave now." He grumbled, unable to hide the bashful look on his face.

Josiah laughed, enjoying Vin's discomfiture a great deal. Although they were accustomed to seeing Vin and Alex together, it was the tracker who had more trouble discussing his relationship then they were seeing it. While it was obvious how deeply he felt for the lady doctor, Vin was still shy about the whole subject which gave the others a great deal of amusement at his expense.

"Are you at some point intending on cementing the relationship?" He inquired, knowing that a response from Vin was unlikely unless it could be answered in one or two short words.

"I don't know." Vin muttered, decidedly uncomfortable about the whole subject.

"Is Miss Alex the marrying kind?" Nathan asked, not all having the impression in any of their conversations Alex had any desire to be a wife even if Vin should ever brave asking her.

Vin was about to answer when suddenly, Nicholas Serfonteine appeared on the boardwalk and was headed in their direction. Nathan saw him almost immediately and both Vin and Josiah were poised to act with Josiah quickly making a cautionary statement. "Easy Nathan, remember what we talked about."

"Don't worry." Nathan said coldly, his eyes never shifting from Serfonteine's face as the man approached. The southerner spotted the former slave and both men glared at each other as they crossed the space between them, neither willing to make the sensible gesture of stepping aside to avoid each other.

"Come on Nathan," Josiah urged. "We'll go this way."

"I ain't stepping aside for him." Nathan said firmly and meant it. "Not again."

"Then ignore him." Vin responded. "Just walk on by Nathan, this isn't the place or the time for another fight."

Nathan did not intend to fight Nicholas Serfonteine because the words spoken so earnestly by his friends meant something to him and Nathan was not breaking his oath to them. He would not kill his former master but neither was he going to yield any inch of dirt before or after him for this man's convenience. He had the right to walk on this boardwalk and he was going to do so whether or not Serfonteine liked it.

"Hello Ajax." Nicholas responded as soon as Nathan was close enough to hear it. The greeting was purely provocative, instigated to force Nathan into acting rashly. However, the healer was not biting today.

"My name is Nathan." Nathan replied, perfectly aware of what Nicholas was attempting to do. Beside Nathan, Vin and Josiah watched the healer carefully, knowing it was just a matter of time before the restraint slipped and another altercation ensued. This time, it may be just a little more than feathers that were ruffled. Someone could get killed.

"I suppose it's your little gesture of freedom to discard your rightful name." Nicholas shrugged, contempt oozing from those pristine features of deep green eyes and dark hair that made him a shining example of bigoted purity.

"My father gave me that name." Nathan replied "He gave me that name, long before I became your property."

"Nathan," Josiah prompted. "Let's just go to the saloon. You don't need this."

"You surround yourselves with powerful friends," Nicholas glanced at Vin and Josiah with obvious dislike. "Or are they your new masters now? Do you play houseboy for them or stable hand?"

"He plays doctor." Vin could not help voicing out loud. The man's sick diatribe was enough to penetrate the normally cool veneer of Vin Tanner's sensibilities.

"Doctor?" Nicholas laughed. "It will be a cold day in hell before any darkie becomes a doctor."

"Well hell's freezing." Vin retorted before Nathan could. "You're in a place where anything can happen and does. Maybe it’s best you leave while you can."

"No," the man shook his head with a broad smile. "I have no intention of going anywhere for a good deal of time, my good man. I have found this little town of yours quite interesting and think I shall be remaining here for quite some time. Of course if you find my presence disturbing Ajax, perhaps you should leave."

Nathan clenched his fists as he stared into that smug face. "This is my home and it take more than trash like you to scare me from it."

"Times change." Nicholas said smugly, deciding now he wanted to see this former supplicant forced from this town, ejected like the nigger he was, not respected like some community pillar. "People's opinion shift so unpredictably. Who’s to say you will be welcome here in a matter of weeks."

"Not this town." Josiah said confidently. "What you are preaching Sir is meant to frighten little children into talking their studies more seriously, hardly worth the effort of the speaking."

"Come on," Nathan urged, brushing past Nicholas because he had no wish to listen to the man's posturing rhetoric. "I need that drink more than ever. Suddenly, I'm sick to my stomach." Vin and Josiah couldn't disagree with Nathan's sentiment and followed the healer as he crossed the street. They were part way to the saloon when they heard Nicholas call out after them.

"See you around Ajax."

Nathan flinched and let the words bounce of him, knowing they could not hurt him if he refused to allow it. While none of them said anything, Nathan knew Vin and Josiah were thinking the same thing; Chris was right.

There was a storm coming.

*********

He had never seen a girl like her in his life.

She looked nothing like Casey who was all practicality and lacked the elegance of crinolines and lace that was staple of most women this day and age. The young woman he was observing so intently did not walk down the street. She glided in a mist of a pale silk dress of blue as her hazel eyes took in the shops closed today. J.D. had never seen her in town before and wondered who she might be as he became dazzled by the dark gold hair glimmering under the afternoon sun. She paused under the awning of the Pemberton Emporium, which was in visual distance of the jailhouse. J.D. tried not to look as if he was gawking as he stared from his chair leaning against the front of the building.

She studied whatever lay behind the glass and then moved on along the boardwalk before she noticed his gaze. Her eyes narrowed and almost beckoned him to come, which J.D. was almost powerless against as he found himself rising from his chair and making his way across the street. A pang of guilt crossed his mind as he remembered Casey and told himself he was only going over to be friendly, not for any other reason. Still, as he approached the girl who did not seem much older than him, she rewarded his approach with a smile, and J.D. could not help admitting he hoped Buck Wilmington was not rubbing off on him.

"Good afternoon ma'am." J.D. said as he reached her, raising his hat politely at the same time.

"Why goodness me, I do feel positively old at you calling me ma'am," she offered him another dazzling smile. Violet noticed the young man when he was keeping watch outside the jailhouse, finding a little amusement in the awful hat he was wearing on his head. He was trying so hard to rise to the Silver Star fixed on his coat that he failed miserably and Violet could not help finding herself intrigued. "Do call me Violet."

J.D. smiled, surprised she was being so friendly instead of standoffish as most women as refined as her were likely to do. "Please to meet you Violet. I ain't seen you in town before, are you new around here?"

"Yes I am," she smiled. "I arrived this morning with my brother Nicholas."

Suddenly J.D.'s expression darkened as he realized who this girl was. She was sister to the filth who violated Nathan's sister. The discovery immediately ended any prior interest he may have had in her and he now wished he were as far away from her as possible. "You're Serfonteine's sister, ain't you?" He looked at her almost with accusation.

Violet guessed he would have been friends with the nigger who tried to harm Nicholas earlier that day. The men claimed to be the law in this town and with J.D.'s badge clearly labelling him the sheriff of Four Corners, it was only a natural progression to assume he would be in acquaintance with those men. However, she was genuinely curious about this boy who wore the badge and assumed to call himself the sheriff. He was no older than she was but there was something about him begging her interest and for the moment, Violet had little to do in the way of entertainment while Nicholas went on his holy crusade.

"You know the man who attacked my brother I take it." Violet used her words carefully, knowing how sensitive his friends were to the way the nigger was addressed.

J.D. held his tongue about Nathan's sister because it was not his place to make that private hurt public even to the perpetrator's sister. Besides, she may know nothing of her brother's crimes and J.D. did not intend to label her the same until he knew her a little better. He was mature enough to know association did not necessary make a person guilty of another's crime. It also helped Violet was so damn pretty but J.D. reminded himself repeatedly she was sister to Nathan's enemy and so his interest was tempered with caution.

"Nathan had cause to Violet, but I ain't bringing that up with you. You ain't guilty of your brother's crime."

"You're so sure a crime was committed?" Violet probed. "How do you know it happened the way your friend said it happen?"

"I believe Nathan more than I do any slave owner." J.D. retorted. "Nathan is one of the best people I know. He wouldn't lie about something like that."

"Maybe he is mistaken."

"He isn't." J.D. said firmly and decided that he had wasted too much time in her presence. Just being around her made him feel uncomfortable. The young man felt like he was somehow betraying Nathan and the others by consorting in any shape or form with Violet. "It was nice meeting you ma'am, he replied drawing away from her, formality oozing in his voice as he made a tactful retreat.

"They must really scare you." Violet spoke with calculation in her voice, completely aware of which button to push in her short acquaintanceship with J.D. Dunne to get the results she wanted. "For you to run off so afraid to even talk to me."

J.D. froze in mid step and turned to her. "I ain't afraid of nothing or no one, least of all my friends."

"Then you seem to be scampering away in an awful hurry for someone who isn't afraid of anything." The derision underlying her sweet tone was unmistakable as she stared at him with unyielding accusation.

J.D. stiffened, feeling his ego wounded for any girl to think he was afraid of Chris and the others. They were his family not just his friends and she was just a girl who did not know anything of the bond shared by the seven. "I ain't scampering anywhere," he countered quickly, his voice full of male bluster. "I just don't want to be around you."

"Then why did you come in the first place?" Violet asked. "I saw you looking at me J.D., I know because I saw you. You only decide you didn't want to know me after you discovered Nicholas was my brother, so that leads me to the conclusion that you must be afraid of your friends' wrath to allow them to see you near me."

J.D. did not know what to say because he was attracted to her when he first laid eyes on her. It was impossible not to with that lovely face and the light scent of lavender that teased his nostrils each time he took a breath. However, out of respect to Nathan, which overrode his baser instincts, J.D. would not allow her to capture her in her skilful snare.

Besides, Buck would never let him forget it.

"Maybe I did." J.D. responded after considering what he should say. He hated appearing weak in her eyes and could not explain why it was important to him it did not appear he was just some kid who was given the privilege of hanging around men who could do without him in an instant. "But my friends don't judge anyone cause of what their kin done and neither do I. I am leaving for your sake as much as Nathan's. I don't think your brother would be happy to know you're talking to me and I wouldn't be much of a man if I got you in trouble now, would I?"

When J.D. saw her delicate brow wrinkle with nothing further passing her lips, he knew he had won the argument. Before she could say anything further, he tipped his hat at her and said farewell polite and went on his way, smiling.

*********

Nicholas had only one place to go after he left Nathan Jackson with his intention to remain in Four Corners indefinitely and that was to the telegraph office which fortunately did not close for any reason because of the important need of communication in this region. He was there for almost an hour, dispatching telegrams to a number of people although the messages were all identical. He estimated no more than a day before the results of his sending's bore fruition.

For the first time since he had seen the slave who had escaped his plantation so many years ago, Nicholas Serfonteine knew exactly what to do. Nathan as he now called himself had taken refuge in this town in the middle of the Territory and built himself a home. Nicholas made inquiries and allowed enough money to be used as rewards for information to learn that Nathan had quite a little following in the town of Four Corners.

The man in the buckskin had not lied when he called the slave a doctor and furthermore, Nicholas learnt, there was another doctor in town who had the qualifications to prove it, appeared to be nothing more than a half-caste woman.

The outrage he felt at such a state of events offended Nicholas more than he would like to admit and decided Four Corners did indeed require saving. He wanted to wake up this tiny community to the evil they allowed into their midst and at the same time destroy everything Nathan Jackson held dear.

Nathan had run from him once already and Nicholas intended to ensure he kept running until he dropped dead from the exhaustion or killed himself first.

In any case, Nathan Jackson's days of knowing any peace of mind was at and end because Nicholas was going to be dogging his every step, in every town offering the slave sanctuary, the southerner was going to see him forced to flee. He was going to make Nathan run until the man was on his knees begging to make the torture stop and then Nicholas would oblige Nathan Jackson with a song in his heart and smile on his face.

And a bullet right between the eyes.

Of course, that was Nicholas Serfonteine's own pet project but there were larger issues to be considered beyond his little construction of torture for Nathan Jackson's benefit. Four Corners did indeed seem contaminated with distasteful notions of interbreeding that would only weaken the race of white men in the future to come. A lady doctor was barely tolerable but a half-breed? Not only was she a role model to others like her but it might encourage the notion such things were acceptable in decent society and it was not.

It was time to shake things up around here and Nicholas had friends who were quite adept at doing so.

*********

Julia Pemberton was standing on the edge of an abyss and saw no choice but the step off into the uncertainty of oblivion below her. There was salvation in the dark, she only needed the courage to take that initial step forward and let it embrace her with its shadowy arms. She should not have been surprised at Alexandra Styles's response to her desperate plea but somehow the refusal was not that much of a shock. Even though she let the fear penetrate the cracks of her carefully held facade briefly, it had made little difference to the doctor who was too pure to be dishonest. Julia understood all of Alex's arguments and even appreciated some of it but knew she could not let the matter rest there.

There would be no conventional choices for her once Alex refused to help. Julia did not feel any resentment towards the doctor but she did find her safest route of escape now firmly closed, forcing her to seek other alternatives. She had not exaggerated when she confessed her fear of having a child. Julia would like to have children someday but not now. She was unprepared to let her life be ruined by an unwanted pregnancy and was willing to undergo any trial to do so.

As she prepared her travelling clothes to do just that, she heard the footsteps walking up the stairs of her house and knew immediately it was Ezra. Hastily, Julia hid the evidence of her departure and immediately sat on the bed, appearing as if she were catching an afternoon siesta instead of embarking on a most hazardous journey.

"Julia," Ezra greeted once he had entered the room. She sat up on the bed and he quickly joined her there, armed with Chris Larabee's advice and the determination that would not let her face this whole thing alone, no matter how desolate she may feel at this point.

"I think we should get married." He repeated his proposal, only this time it was not out of obligation but because he loved her and their child. He was no less afraid than when he had first heard the news but Ezra was adamant not to let a little fear hamper what could truly be the best thing he had ever accomplished in his life.

"Ezra," she turned away, unable to deal with this. "It’s not what you want and I'm not forcing you into such a thing. I refuse to be cornered into marriage simply because of this."

"Do you love me?" He asked firmly, expecting her response.

Julia let out a sigh. "Of course I love you but I do not want you this way."

"What way?" Ezra declared with a small smile. "I love you more than I've loved any woman in my life. You are carrying my child inside you and perhaps the babe has come sooner than he or she ought but the end result is the same, what you have there," he placed his hand on her belly. "Is the best thing you and I will ever create in this life? Why should we fight it? We should be celebrating its arrival."

He really did believe it, Julia realized. Even though there was still some apprehension in his eyes, he really did believe what he was saying.

"Ezra, I don't know whether I'm ready to be a mother." She confessed. "It frightens me I’m so unprepared and I don't want to be rid of it but I don't think we should try this either. Neither of us are ready for parenthood."

"You are right on that my dear," he took her hand. "Neither of us are ready. To tell you the truth, my first thought when you told me was to get out of town and head for Mexico but the point is, I am not going through it alone and neither are you. We are unprepared I agree but we can do this together, suffer the whole process together. It will be a learning experience for both of us."

Julia swallowed, wishing he had not come to her with such beautiful words of comfort because in the end he was wrong. During the next nine months if she were to have this child, she would be very much alone. Nothing would change that, not even the respectability of marriage. He would offer his words of support but it would be her body that would change, her womb that would nurture its growth and there was so many variables of what she could do wrong, the least of which was choosing to have the child.

"I have to think about it Ezra," she said quietly.

"I understand." Ezra nodded, knowing what a momentous thing he was asking of her. In the end, their options were limited and he had every confidence of convincing her they were doing the right thing.

"I need to be alone for a while." She met his gaze, hoping he understood the need for privacy when grappling with such a choice.

"Of course." Ezra rose to his feet and started to walk away. "I shall be at the saloon if you need me Julia, for anything. I love you and we will endure this together, I promise you." With that, he left the room with a knife of indecision buried deep in her heart. She remained seated until his footsteps descending the steps had faded away into the distance and culminated with the closing of her front door.

She stood up once more and resumed packing, his words still heavy in her mind. Part of her wanted to believe he was right but the part of her shivering in fright from the possibilities of what lay before her, compelled Julia to continue with what she was doing before Ezra's untimely arrival. Still, no matter how determined she was to be rid of this problem, Julia could not help being affected by his words.

Julia had a journey to make and she could waste no more time with miracle solutions. It was time to take the direct approach. Despite her resolve however, Ezra's words affected her strongly and she found herself lingering on what he said. Finally, after minutes wasted by replaying their conversation in his mind, she decided she could utilize the time to consider her situation.

After all, it was after all a long ride to Purgatory.

Chapter Three
Purgatory

Ezra did not feel much like company with everything going on in his life at present. Thus instead of spending time within the saloon as was his customary practice when he was not required to perform his duties as lawman, he found himself playing solitaire outside the jailhouse. Evening descended over Four Corners and at night the dusty town took on an ethereal aura with the luster of moonlight bathing every surface in a glow of iridescent indigo. The streets were quiet now as people withdrew to their homes; no doubt sitting to supper or the other rituals that came with family life and domestic bliss. He glanced up occasionally from the cards he was playing to watch the progress of the town as it moved from day to night; the sun matching his observation as it arched across the sky.

As of yet, Julia had yet to send for him and as tempted as he was to go to her house and demand an answer from her, Ezra knew it was probably wiser if he left her alone for a time. After all, this was no easy decision she was being forced to make and motherhood was a subject Ezra was certain Julia never considered until the present situation was thrust upon her. He could understand her reservations and doubts because in the past day, he felt all those things until his talk with Chris Larabee. Strange, he expected good advice coming from Nathan or perhaps Josiah but certainly not from Chris Larabee.

Ezra Standish had played many roles in life, gambler, con man, even preacher at one point and now lawman. However, he never imagined he would ever play the role of father and wondered if he would make a good one. Truth be known, Ezra knew he was good with children although he would admit that to no one, not unless firearms were involved. He enjoyed them more than he would like and having one of his own was not as daunting as he originally believed. Raising a child in this place was not the worst thing he could do in this life, since Mary Travis had managed quite well with young Master Billy until the unfortunate demise of his father. Ezra was fairly certain he and Julia could not do any worse for their child.

Next thing he knew he would be picking out wallpaper for a nursery.

Ezra glanced up long enough to take stock of the evening when he saw Nicholas Serfonteine making his way across the street towards the jailhouse. The man met his eyes directly as Ezra looked at him and the gambler realized Nicholas was approaching him in particular. Ezra showed no signs of being affected by the impending visit and continued playing his game of solitaire as Nicholas crossed the street and stepped onto the sidewalk bringing him directly to the front landing where Ezra was currently occupying.

"Good evening to you Sir." Nicholas raised his hat at Ezra when he finally reached the gambler.

Ezra wondered what the man's intentions were but decided there was no reason to be rude until he learned what they were. "Likewise Mr Serfonteine." Ezra responded, pausing long enough to offer the man a slight nod of acknowledgment.

"We have not been properly introduced." Nicholas declared. "I am Nicholas Serfonteine and you are...?" He waited in expectation for an answer.

"Ezra Standish." Ezra answered, showing no sign he was puzzled by this man's gesture of friendly behavior. Surely, Nicholas knew Nathan and Ezra were friends after the altercation in the street earlier today. Nevertheless Ezra was intrigued even though he took great pains to show otherwise. "Would you care to sit down?"

"I'm much obliged." Nicholas replied and then sat down in the chair not far from his own while Ezra continued playing his game of solitaire, hiding his interest regarding Serfonteine's visit but still curious as to why the man had obviously sought him out.

"Now Sir," the gambler said smoothly, eyes still fixed on the cards. "What can I do for you?"

"I realize you must have a less than stellar impression of me from your 'associate' and my former runaway slave Ajax." He answered.

Ezra met his eyes long enough to add. "Nathan. His name is Nathan."

Nicholas reacted with little more than a flinch of distaste but it was enough to tell Ezra everything he wanted to know regarding why the man was here.

"Of course," Nicholas swallowed thickly as if bile was sliding down his throat. "Nathan." He corrected himself and brushed aside the dislike for having to use that name before moving on to more important matters. "I am not the monster he makes me out to be."

"So you did not rape and murder his sister." Ezra replied, never moving his gaze from the cards but completely aware of the sudden tension in Nicholas's  gait as he made that remark.

"Rape is a strong word." Nicholas answered, his jaw tightening but he knew he had to address this question or else he would never get anywhere with Mr Ezra Standish. "And he uses it to absolve his own crimes. Back in those days, a slave was a slave and young pretty ones always caught our attention. Come now, Mr Standish, can you never say you never saw a pretty Negress that captured your eye?"

Ezra smiled faintly. "I did not have occasion to be on many plantations in my youth. My family were mostly based in the city and did not own them." Which was a lie of course because by the time he was old enough to be aware of women, Maude had him on the road with her, travelling from one con to another. A slave was a luxury best afforded by rich plantation owners, not a duo of grifters.

"Well it does happen," Nicholas pointed out since Ezra could not share the experience of what he was talking about. "Rebecca was one of the most beautiful young women I had ever seen and the feeling I felt for her was mutual. She enjoyed our relationship as much as I did and we shared many nights together. I always managed to send her brother on an errand so we were afforded our privacy but one night, Ajax....I'm sorry Nathan returned home early."

Ezra listened closely even though outwardly, it would seem as if he was not the least bit interested. "I take it Mr. Jackson was not impressed."

"He was not." He answered grimly. "Rebecca assured me all was well and she would explain it to Nathan. It was only under her reassurances I left her. If I knew what would transpire at my departure, I would not have left her alone."

"Pray tell, what did happen?" Ezra met the man's gaze for the first time.

"He beat her to death. When I found her, she was nothing more than a pulp of flesh, bleeding. She died in my arms, the poor child." He paused as if regaining his composure as the emotion saturated his voice. "I was half dazed with grief, my foreman demanded him shot but I thought a whipping would suffice. The other slaves were similarly enraged and wanted his head. After the whipping, we had to keep him secluded or else the others would have torn him to pieces. It was more out of self-preservation he ran. I did not expend much effort to find him. Honestly, I did not want him brought back."

"It appears Mr Jackson has provided us with a different account of his tale." Ezra said without a trace of disbelief in his voice regarding Serfonteine's recollection of things. He did not for an instant believe a word the man said because Ezra knew Nathan. He knew the healer, not only as a good friend but by the man he was. Nathan found it difficult to kill under most circumstances, even though he understood it was a necessary evil in life. The grief he had seen inside Nathan's eyes was real. It was not the fabrication of a guilty mind.

Ezra also knew men like Serfonteine because his southern upbringing brought him into contact with them many times. In those days, what Serfonteine and those like him did was just a sign of the way things were. He had no doubt Serfonteine actually believed Rebecca Jackson consented to their union.

Since meeting Nathan, Ezra had taken to seeing things objectively and could almost guarantee Rebecca caught the man's eyes. Beauty in a slave was a most unfortunate thing, Ezra had come to decide. Nathan was probably sent away on some errand, that much of Serfonteine's story was probably true, Ezra thought. He visited the girl who probably protested, knowing there was no chance to save her virtue once the master decided to take it. He raped the girl, kicking and screaming and inflicted his fatal beating on her at the same time. What did he have to worry about if he harmed her? She was just another slave.

He tried to imagine what Nathan must have felt upon his return to find his sister dying, if not already dead and was forced to suppress the feeling of disgust rising from his gut like sour bile. However, Ezra held it all hidden under the surface of his indifferent facade.

"He no doubt feels the need to forget what part he played in her death. It is far simpler to blame me for her death than it is to acknowledge he killed her." Nicholas continued with his well-crafted tale, encouraged by Ezra's lack of judgement so far.

"Well, " Ezra eased back into his chair and gazed at the man, deciding to play a little charade to unmask Mr Serfonteine's reason for being here. "In those days, it was the way things were. Mr Jackson, as much I care for his friendship, ought to know such issues should be left in the past. He ought to consider himself fortunate the law does not pursue the matter. Who knows what truths might be uncovered?"

"I am glad you see things that way." Nicholas smiled, pleased by Ezra's statement. "Tell me, how does a southern gentlemen like yourself find such rabble for company?"

"I am hardly respectable Sir," Ezra remarked. "I own a local tavern and it is in my best interest law and order be served here. I did not select the men who would be my companions in this endeavor."

"I understand." The former plantation owner nodded. "This town needs more than law and order however." 

"How so?" Ezra looked at him with interest, deciding they were coming down to the heart of all this idle chatter.

"There appears to be a potent mix of several different races in this town. It seems decent folk are being overrun."

By decent folk, Ezra immediately translated his words into 'white', however, he kept the awareness silent. "Yes, there does appear to be a potent mix of types in Four Corners. Unfortunately, one has to embrace them for things to go along smoothly."

"Yes," Nicholas nodded. "It is not the preferred manner at how things ought to be. I believe that we can help each other Mr Standish."

"How so?" Ezra asked, glad he was finally getting down to what he wanted. Playing along with this man's bigotry was leaving a decidedly bad taste in his mouth.

"I have friends who will soon be here and when they arrive, let us say we will give the locals some food for thought as well as some direction in how to eliminate this unsavory problem. I'd like you to join us."

Ezra did not like the sound of this at all but he wanted to know more, It was best to keep the lines of communication open as he tried to garner as much information as he possibly could from Serfonteine. "It's an interesting offer." Ezra replied with genuine interest in his voice, as genuine as was capable of a man playing such a part. "I am to assume these pointers will be violent?"

"Not all," Nicholas answered, with a look in his eyes indicating dismay at such a suggestion. "My associates and I will only remain on an advisory capacity. No acts of any kind of physical display will come from us, I guarantee it."

"In that case," Ezra said with a smile. "You have secured my interest in giving this matter further thought. I assume you will be in Four Corners for some time?"

"Yes," Nicholas grinned, oozing charm that Ezra used so often himself. "For as long as it takes."

"I will think on your offer," Ezra said finally, committing himself that far until he had conferred with the others on what to do. Chris Larabee had been right, there was a storm coming and now Nicholas Serfonteine had just revealed in what shape it would take when it finally arrived.

"That's all I ask." Nicholas replied graciously. "I shall wait to hear from you then, Mr. Standish?"

"Most definitely." Ezra smiled with every indication Serfonteine would be rewarded by a receptive response to his offer.

After Ezra had spoken to Chris Larabee.

*********

Like Ezra Standish, Nathan had no wish to be around his friends this particular evening. He lingered inside his infirmary, almost afraid to venture out of the room in the instance he saw Serfonteine and allowed his baser instincts to take hold and coerce him into doing something foolish. He listened to all the arguments made by Josiah and the others and so he knew they were correct. He had too much in his life to throw it all away for that piece of scum, no matter how much he wanted to kill the man. Nathan owed the people in his life better than to cause them pain with that act of violence.

Rain was waiting for him and he could not ruin both their lives on something he could no longer change. Revenge would not bring Rebecca back, Josiah was right about that.  After awhile, Nathan had started to understand that too. Finally, despite all the instincts telling him Serfonteine had brought discourse with him into Four Corners, Nathan decided to take some time to visit with Rain at the Seminole village. Now more than ever, he needed to see her sweet face and hear her strong words as she held him and assured him all would be well.

Suddenly, he heard the door knock and a familiar voice asked for entry.

"Come on in, Miss Alex." He prompted and went back to tidying his medicine cabinet for the want of something to do. He had been looking for little jobs like this all day, seeking some way to spend as much time in the safety of this room, which was his exclusive bastion of Four Corners. Inside its confines, he was just a healer, not a black man or a former slave, sometimes he was not even Nathan Jackson but someone who could bring comfort to those in pain. It would be so simple if it could be that way for himself as well.

"Hello Nathan." Alex greeted upon entering the room. Vin had told her what Nathan had been through today and distress was something she could understand at this moment after her encounter with Julia. "How are you feeling?"

"Vin told you huh?" Nathan asked, seeing the look of concern on her lovely face. More than anyone at this moment, Alex was the one who brought home to him just what Nicholas Serfonteine had taken from him. He had taken to Alexandra Styles from the first few days of their acquaintance because she reminded him so much of Rebecca, even though he had never spoken about his sister to anyone but Josiah until now.

"Yes he did," she nodded. "He seemed to think it was the only way he could get out of trouble for not showing up for our ride." She tried to joke but the humor did not reach her eyes.

"He didn't want to leave me alone," Nathan explained. "Kept thinking I would do something stupid."

"Would you have?" She looked at him and asked. She could not imagine what he must have endured during his tenure of slavery and guessed it must have been terrible indeed. She saw the scars on his back and her stomach hollowed at the notion  someone inflicted them upon him in the belief he was property. Alex had observed enough about the old wounds to know his injuries were caused when he was quite young but Alex never dared to ask Nathan about them.

"I might have." Nathan admitted honestly. "I just look at him and I see what he did to Rebecca and all good sense leaves my head. I just want to kill him."

"I know how you feel." Alex admitted softly. "But revenge is not all it's cracked up to be." Her eyes revealed she was drifting away to some place very dark inside herself where she had once chanced to visit in a moment of absolute rage and come away a changed person. "Once you have it, you spend the rest of your life trying to decide whether what you did made you any better than the person you tried to kill and the person you tried to avenge would have thought any less of you for doing it."

Nathan knew Alex was speaking from experience and it was the one thing he always wanted to ask her even though he and Chris Larabee had agreed to remain silent. He understood completely why she had done what she had, realizing her life depended on it just as surely as she was trying to protect her future with Vin. "You're talking about Mason ain't you?" 

Alex met his eyes and saw no reason to lie. Randall Mason had pursued her across the globe and would have continued doing so until one of them was dead. He killed her father to possess her and driven Alex to the firm conclusion the only way to make him relent was to kill him. Otherwise, she would have spent her life looking over her shoulder, praying that he would not be there, lying in wait to hurt her or kill Vin Tanner.

"I thought you might have known." she said with a soft sigh. "I did what I had to do, but given the choice of doing it different, I don't know if I would have done the same thing. Perhaps, I could have found some other way to deal with him."

"He shot you in the back Miss Alex," Nathan pointed out. "Man like that wouldn't stop until he dropped dead from exhaustion. We all knew that. What you did, you were driven to do and I ain't never thought any less of you for doing it."

Alex smiled warmly at the healer, feeling an intense wave of emotion come over her. She crossed the floor and embraced him hard, perhaps because he might need it, and no one else would have. She held him close because he was her friend, her best friend and the idea of what he must have endured all those years ago, made her want to weep for him, as surely as she wanted to weep for his sister Rebecca.

"The best revenge you can have on that man Nathan, is to survive. He wants you to come after him. He wants you to do something stupid so he can end your life and justify to everyone he had a reason for doing it. You want to hurt him Nathan? You ignore him and consider him nothing because people like that have to hurt others to justify their own being. You're best revenge is to live."

Nathan hugged her back, understanding why Vin Tanner loved her so much in that instant because she was truly extraordinary in a way that was undefinable.

"Thank you Miss Alex," he said trying not to let his emotions get the better of him because there were tears in his eyes when they finally parted. "You make a good argument. Rebecca used to say the same thing you know." He tried to smile but could not quite manage it. "She used to say to me we were going to survive this one way or another, all we had to do was have hope. She always used to have more than me. She was my faith."

"She must have been wonderful." Alex sympathized with his deep longing for his sister. She felt the same way about her father.

"She was." Nathan swallowed thickly, feeling his sorrow starting to break free in a torrent of grief. "I miss her so much Miss Alex. I sometimes expect her to come running through my door with that smile of hers. She had my momma's smile you know? She was so beautiful and it kills me that all I can do when I close my eyes and think about her is to see what that animal did to her."

The tears came then and he started to sob. Alex had him in her arms before the first tear rolled down his cheek and she held him there, trying to offer comfort as he cried for the sister that never had a chance because of the world they were born into. She held him and soothed him with her gentle voice, urging him to let it all out because he needed to. Rebecca had been buried inside him for so long when he finally spoke about her, all the pain locked inside him required release.

When he finally stopped, Alex could see the burden lifted from him. He probably still wanted to kill Serfonteine and the desire for vindication would never truly fade away from his psyche, however Nathan was in a better position to deal with his anger now. He wiped his eyes, looking very much like the 17 year old who fled from the plantation as he composed himself before her.

"Thank you Miss Alex," he said gratefully, feeling no embarrassment and realized how close their relationship was, for him not to have minded her seeing him in such a vulnerable state. "That helped me more than you know."

"I'm always ready to help a future colleague." Alex smiled, brushing off his gratitude because she knew he would have done the same for her if the roles were reversed.

"Not yet," Nathan replied and this time the humor did reach his eyes. "But someday."

*********

Purgatory was no place for a lady to be and certainly not one in the condition Julia Pemberton was presently afflicted. She knew desperation had driven her to leave Four Corners and ride towards Purgatory because she could think no other way out her predicament. Alexandra Styles could not help and that meant that this was the only avenue left to her. The sun was already setting in the hive of villainy when she arrived in the shantytown. Despite her attempts to be brave as she moved through this collection of canvas tents and corrugated tin huts, Julia knew how out of place she was here.

Eyes followed her in interest as she sought out the local houses, eyes belonging to men whose intent was clear in their lustful gazes and their lascivious sneers as she passed by them. She held her purse close to her as she walked by and her gun even closer although she did not relish using it on anyone should they choose to accost her. Julia tried not to think about how furious Ezra was going to be when he learned she had come here alone with the terrible plan she had in mind.

His words still rung in her ears throughout the entire journey to Purgatory and while she tried to ignore everything he said, nothing would force them from her memory. Their persistence was beyond belief for she heard them even after she had sought out the working girls and spoken to them in length about where she might find the person or persons capable of helping her out of her present situation and thus saving her reputation.

Although amply rewarded with warnings to the contrary, the working girls reluctantly gave Julia the name of the man who would assist her with her 'problem'. They had warned her against seeing him because he was meant to be a most unsavory character with little morals to accompany the grisly work he preformed at his exorbitant prices. Julia took the warnings to heart, even though she knew she had no choice but to submit herself to his ministrations. There were so many fears running through her mind regarding the possibility of having this child she could not fathom going through with the pregnancy under any circumstances.

Yet as she arrived at the corrugated tin structure on the far end of Purgatory, the idea of having the child did not become as frightening as undergoing the process to eliminate it. The shanty was covered in rust and did not at all seem like the most hygienic place to use as a latrine let alone as a surgical venue.

A puddle of gray water at the side of the structure buzzed with bloated flies and the smell she detected from the place was almost gagging. Instead of turning right around and going home to Four Corners, Julia forced herself to the wooden door and tapped warily on its rough surface.

The man who answered her knock stared at her with hollow eyes and gaunt features. He reminded her of an undertaker except his clothes were filthy and the apron he wore around him looked like it belonged in a butcher shop. She saw stains against the cloth that might have been blood and fluid but averted her gaze when she told herself it was better if she did not know what it was precisely. This entire experience was going to be unpleasant enough without her remembering the petty details.

"What can I do for you?" He asked gruffly even though his eyes told her that he already knew.

"The girls at the house told me you could help me." She swallowed, her voice sounded meek as she alluded to her problem in her frightened gaze.

"What problem would that be?" There was the barest hint of a sneer on his face, as if he would derive some perverse pleasure in hearing a lady ask him for help.

Julia narrowed her eyes, hating him intensely at that moment because she had no choice but to play his cruel games.

"I am pregnant." She said with as much dignity as she could muster, refusing to allow this man to have that much power over her. "I do not wish to be. I have money." She opened her purse wide enough to reveal the thick wad of cash inside it and felt some satisfaction of her own when she saw his eyes widen in obvious avarice.

"Always obliged to help a lady in need," he grinned, all politeness now he saw how much money she had on her person. "Come on inside."

It was already dark when she stepped into the narrow confines of the shack and the blackness within was illuminated with a dozen candles revealing a sight she did not need to see. There were two tables in the room. The smaller of the two contained instruments that did not appear too dissimilar from the ones Julia had seen in Alex's clinic earlier today. They did not appear very clean and her attention was mostly drawn to the basin of bloody water they were immersed within and the flies that buzzed over it. The second table was larger and resembled the examination table of a doctor's office although that was where the similarity ended. It was covered in stains and although the 'doctor' hurried to wipe it clean, it had left an indelible impression in Julia's mind.

"How far along are you?" The man asked as he prepared the examination table for use.

Julia swallowed thickly, cringing at the horror of what was before her and feeling even more apprehensive because she was here on her own volition. "Six weeks, no more."

"Pretty early," he said nodding with approval. "Good. It will be pretty easy to be rid of."

Julia said nothing, unable to explain this constriction in her chest now that the moment of truth was open her. She watched the man going to his instrument table to prepare his tools for the task ahead and wrestled with what she was about to let him do to her. "You'll have to take off your clothes and put on that gown over there." He remarked, unaware of her reservations as he pointed to a nightdress that had been originally white but was now almost yellowed from use.

Still unable to answer, Julia did as instructed and stepped behind the partition of cloth giving her some measure of privacy as she undressed and slipped on the gown smelling of blood and sweat. She felt repulsed by having the filthy fabric against her skin and reminded herself she was here out of choice.

However, even now, Ezra's words came back to haunt her even louder than before. She would not endure this alone he had promised and yet here she was, at the edge of dark abyss with no one to stop her from plunging into its depths.

But he had not meant this.

He had meant braving an even greater challenge, the challenge of having this child on her own. As Julia climbed onto the table, feeling the wood against her back. She began to wonder what this child might be like. She remembered how happy her own childhood had been in the begining, how her father doted on her like she as the most important thing in the world to him. Ezra said he wanted this baby even though just like her, he was afraid. Suddenly Julia felt ashamed she came here alone, without even giving him a vote in this decision. How could he love her if she simply slunk away and did this without his knowledge? He had been willing to overcome his fear to accept what he called the 'best thing they would ever do in their lives'.

What if he was right?

What if she was walking away from something that could be truly beautiful without considering the possibility keeping it might not be as hopeless as she had originally believed?

"I can't do this." She said finally. The words escaped her lips like a splash of ice water on her face.

The man turned around as if he were accustomed to hearing such talk at the ninth hour of the procedure. "Now, now, it ain't nothing to be afraid of."

"No you don't understand," Julia started to climb off the table. "I've changed my mind."

"Listen," he placed a restraining arm on her shoulder. "You've got to calm down. I can't do this otherwise."

"I don't want you to do it!" Julia protested as she tried to break free but for a surprisingly spindly hand, he had a great deal of strength in his grip.

"Now little lady," he said producing a white colored swab of cloth that could have been a handkerchief. It wafted of a strong, acrid smell that made her recoil as he held it to her face. "This will help your nerves a little."

"Please stop it," Julia turned her face as the man grabbed both her wrists with his one hand and held the cloth over her mouth. "I don't wish to do it."

"I ain't walking away from all that money." He replied with a sneer. "You came here for a service and I aim to do it for you. Now you're afraid, it's understandable. I seen plenty of girls doing the same thing in my time and you'll thank me for it when you wake up."

"Thank you?" Julia stared at him in wide-eyed fear when she realized what the solution in the handkerchief would do to her. She tried desperately to break free of him but the contact of rough linen covered her mouth before she could scream to bring help. He held the cloth over her mouth firmly, pressing hard against her lips and mouth as she struggled not to breathe in the noxious fumes. However, his endurance outlasted her ability to hold her breath and with anguish Julia was forced to inhale deeply after almost a minute of resistance.

It affected her almost immediately. Her head begin to swim as she fought to retain her focus. The harder she fought, the easier it was to draw breath and very soon she had taken few healthy whiffs of the sedating chemical.

Very soon, Julia could do nothing as her struggles became weaker and her strength sapped from her body almost on a will of its own. She tried to speak but no sound came from her throat as she tried desperately to say the words to make him stop. But when the dark started to close in on her, Julia knew she was lost and could do nothing as her mind spiraled into one repeated thought.

This was not how it was supposed to be...

*********

Completely oblivious to what calamity was taking place in his life at this moment, Ezra Standish found his way to the saloon to seek out Chris Larabee in the wake of his meeting with Nicholas Serfonteine. The man's words had disturbed him greatly and he wanted Chris's opinion on whether or not there was cause to worry. Nicholas's offer had the most ominous connotations and Ezra did not doubt the arrival of his associates would bring nothing but discourse to the township of Four Corners, not if the man was true to his dislike of the way things operated in this town.

Chris was at their usual table with the other five members of their fellowship.

Considering what Nathan had been put through today, the gambler was unsurprised by the healer's absence and had to respect the man's need for privacy, just as his own needs had been. Chris and Vin were drinking, while Buck, J.D. and Josiah were engaged in a game of cards. Somehow, it felt odd not being apart of the game even though he knew this was just the first of the changes his life would soon be enduring.

The usual chorus of greetings came with his arrival at the table and judging by everyone's tone of voice, it appeared Ezra was correct about Chris being able to keep his confidence in regards to Julia's present condition.

"Mr Larabee," Ezra pulled up a chair as he joined his friends at their table. "We may have a problem."

Chris looked up immediately, as did all of them when such words were mentioned. As usual, the others waited for Chris to take the lead before bombarding him with questions on their own. "What sort of problem?"

"I just had a visit from Mr Serfonteine and we had an interesting conversation." Ezra announced and saw the ripple of dislike showing in all their faces at the mention of that name. He saw mostly relief in Chris's eyes that Nathan was not in the vicinity as the man's restraint was just hanging by a hair's breath in regard to that particular individual.

"What did he want?" Chris asked smoothly, not meeting Ezra's gaze as he refilled his glass.

"He indicated to me Four Corners was a most colorful locality, if you catch my meaning." Ezra hesitated to use Nicholas's words because it still felt odious to remember. A part of him could not believe he once thought of people in the same way and still felt shame how he treated Nathan during their initial encounter. Much had transpired since that first meeting and now Ezra counted Nathan as one of his closest friends as well as the importance Inez Rosillios and Alexandra Styles had in his life.

"Colorful?" J.D. asked, not quite understanding what the man could mean by such a term.

"He better not mean what I think he means," Vin said with unconcealed menace in his blue eyes. Anyone making racial slurs about Alex had better be prepared to back it up with his life because once Vin caught up with them, it would literally come down to that.

"Unfortunately, I think he does." Josiah said with a taut frown. "We do seem to have a multi-cultural community that might be viewed with some distaste by people who seemed to think the purity of the white race should be maintained at all costs."

"Oh Christ," Buck groaned with disgust, glancing at Inez who was currently serving customers with her alluring smile and wondered how anyone could have abhorrence to the beauty of that face simply because her racial extraction was not Caucasian. "That's the kind of nonsense Reverend Mosely was preaching. Share your God with the Indian but not your daughter. Makes me sick to the stomach."

"What did he say to you Ezra?" Chris questioned, wanting some clarification on what was actually discussed because the issue was obviously a volatile one within this group alone, Chris did not want it to become a point of contention throughout Four Corners.

"He said he would like to call on my assistance to even the balance so to speak," Ezra replied without hesitation, deeply offended because Serfonteine believed his southern upbringing would allow him to condone such behavior. "He has friends coming to town who would take on a purely advisory role in this undertaking of restoring balance among the decent folk of this town."

"Meaning white." Chris finished off for him and felt his jaw tighten in disgust.

Hadn't they fought a war to settle this nonsense? Chris should have known not even bloodshed like they saw in the last war would drive away the seeds of such ingrained beliefs particularly among those who stood to lose most from the Emancipation Act.

"Mr Larabee," Ezra sighed feeling the need to reveal something he had not spoken off in quite a long time. "About five years ago, I was travelling in South Carolina and I came across a gathering in the dead of night. I don't know what instigated the action or what the poor Negro I saw hanging from a tree had done but I do know that it is a scene I will never forget. I counted at least twenty men, all dressed in white and judging from the hands on the reins of their horses, they were all white."

"I think I've heard of this too," Josiah chimed in. "Except the group I knew was in Mississippi. I heard this from a black man who had his property burned to the ground by a bunch of men in white sheets."

"What did they do Ezra?" J.D. asked, his young voice almost hushed as he tried to imagine the scene and could not understand this cold chill running up his spine.

"They burned him alive Mr Dunne. They bathed him in oil and they set him alight."

"Jesus." Vin said softly. He had seen Indians treated with such low regard but nothing to justify being tortured to death in such a way. However, while Indians were considered heathen and barbaric, they were still a race of people. Negroes did not even have that distinction because they were not even considered human.

"All I could do was shoot him." Ezra confessed, remembering the screams he heard kept him awake for numerous nights following the incident. "I was out of sight so I manage to get a good shot and put the poor man out of his misery, then I rode hard out of there. A few days later, I made some inquiries and found out that they call themselves the Knights of the White Dragon or in shorter terms, the Klan."

"You think this Klan is coming here?" Buck asked. "That Serfonteine is bringing them to Four Corners to come after Nathan?"

"Not just Nathan." Chris replied, understanding why Ezra was so concerned now. "We've got China men building the railroad not too far from here, we've got a healthy number of Negroes and Mexicans with prominent positions in town. Take Inez," he pointed out. "She's almost runs this place."

"Well I would not put it quite that way," Ezra spoke up slightly miffed at his contribution in the saloon being ignored. "I do play some small part in the day to day functioning of this establishment."

Chris rolled his eyes and continued speaking. "Not to mention none of our own doctors in town are white."

"If anyone goes near Alex, there's going to be hell to pay." Vin stated firmly, with enough threat in his voice to send shivers up all their spines. Vin did not get angry often but his rage made him unpredictable and damn near savage when it was properly provoked.

"We need to stop them before they get here Chris." Buck declared, suddenly afraid for Inez with such men on their way to Four Corners.

"For what?" Chris asked and was about to receive protest from his companions when he quickly cut them off. "Think about it. How do we stop them? Do we arrest them the second they get off the coach? All we know is Serfonteine went to Ezra for help with very vague inferences. Until they actually do something, all we got is talk and last time I looked, it ain't against the law."

"Mr Larabee is right." Ezra agreed with the gunslinger. "These men operate in the dark, under masks so anonymity is guaranteed. We have no reason to run Mr Serfonteine out of town and we cannot halt these men from coming here, so I am afraid we have a situation on the horizon."

"So what do we do?" J.D. looked at his older companions, unable to believe that their hands were tied so completely in the face of this terrible threat.

"We wait and we watch." Chris said grimly, no happier with the situation then J.D. was.  He expected something like this ever since he learned Serfonteine was staying, except he had no idea even his own instincts could be so in error about how bad the threat would be. "We keep these men under close eye if they arrive and we tell people what to expect. Maybe we can get a handle on things before it gets too much out of control." Chris made a mental note to speak to Mary of this because she had wider access to the community than all of them. With her newspaper, Mary could raise public awareness to the problem and steal the shadows in which these men preferred to hide. Like a nest of cockroaches, they would only scatter if enough light was shed on them.

"In the meantime," Chris met Ezra's gaze. "Play up this southern connection the man seem to think he has with you. It might be a way to get someone on the inside when the shit finally hits the fan."

"I had planned to," Ezra nodded, agreeing with Chris's suggestion completely. "However, I fear he will not completely confide in me since I was standing on Nathan's side during their little melee in the street."

"I got a suggestion." J.D. cleared his throat and felt intimidated the minute he felt all eyes on him.

"Anything would help at this point," Chris prompted him with encouragement, knowing it was hard for J.D. to assert himself in their company.

"Well I met Serfonteine's sister, Violet." J.D. said cautiously, bracing himself for the inevitable teasing that would follow. "I think she kind of likes me."

"Alright J.D.!" Buck slapped him on the back. "I had no idea you were cultivating southern fauna."

"Aw come on Buck!" J.D. protested vehemently. "You know I'm with Casey."

"Shut up Buck," Vin said good-naturedly. "Let the kid talk."

J.D. flashed the tracker a look of gratitude as Buck settled down and allowed him to speak. "I was thinking maybe I should try and get to know her a little, maybe find out what her brother is up to. She strikes me as the kind of girl who likes to talk to impress people."

"Really?" Chris said stifling a smile wondering if J.D. knew how much he and Violet had in common in that respect. Josiah threw the gunslinger a stern look to keep that observation to himself, feeling protective of J.D.'s youthful esteem."I thought maybe I could sort of get close to her you know, keep my ears open when she talks about what her brother's got planned."

""How close were you planning on getting?" Buck teased before J.D. jabbed him on the shoulder in annoyance.

"It's not a bad idea." Vin agreed despite Buck's juvenile antics. "Always pays to have a backup plan."

"Just don't get too close," Josiah warned. "Serfonteine doesn't strike me as the type who likes a Yankee hanging around his little sister. You're liable to get called out if you get too familiar with the girl."

"Just one question, Mr Dunne." Ezra asked, eyeing the young man closely because he wanted to see the response as it would no doubt be amusing. "What do you plan on telling the fair Miss Wells about this friendship you will be cultivating with Miss Serfonteine?"

"I don't have to tell Casey anything," J.D. said confidently. "She'll understand when I explain it to her when it's all over."

"You think so huh?" Buck grinned as he exchanged glances with all the men at the table who knew the fairer sex just a little better and did not have the heart to enlighten their younger companion on what they knew, or warn him for that matter.

"Sure, Casey's not the jealous kind." J.D. said without a single clue.

"Absolutely." Ezra nodded with a completely straight face. 

"Yeah." Chris followed on with a hint of amusement in his intense gaze. "Sure."

"I reckon that's how she'll be." Vin replied covering his mouth with his hand to hide the smirk. 

"I'm not even touching that." Josiah concluded and decided there were some thing's J.D. was going to have to find out for himself on that troublesome road to being a man.

*********

It was not meant to happen this way.

Julia Pemberton kept thinking over and over again as she lay on the table, gripped in agony and lying in her own blood. She opened her eyes when the ether wore off only to find the 'doctor' was missing and the filthy table where his instruments had lain was similarly vacated. All presence of him in the shack was missing, except for the soiled nightdress she was still wearing. Her clothes were slung over her shins while she was unconscious and the contents of her purse emptied of the cache of notes it previously contained. Of course that was only the least of her troubles.

With consciousness came the awareness of pain and hers arrived in waves of white-hot agony splitting her sides from their ferocity. She came to and felt it almost immediately, pulling her knees tight against her abdomen as the first of it hit in exquisite intensity. Julia could hardly breathe as she struggled against crying out and then came to the conclusion she was alone and so it did not matter if anyone heard or not. She moaned softly as the pain imprinted itself on her mind, until her fists were knotted from it and her eyes were clamped shut as her teeth bit down. It hurt so much and yet Julia could curse none of it because she had brought this upon herself.

The pain confirmed she was no longer pregnant.

The stickiness in between her legs and the raw sensation of her nether regions more or less confirmed she was given the precise procedure for which she had come to Purgatory to receive. She felt the blood beneath her and tried not to weep but the tears came in hot, streams of salt running down her cheeks and dampening her red hair. The irony of the whole situation was not lost upon her and she wondered if this was all she truly deserved. She hated the idea from the beginning, fought tooth and nail against the responsibility that came with a child as well as the implications of marriage. Without telling Ezra, she rode to this place and sought out the butcher who inflicted this pain on her. Why should she feel like a victim?

Because she had said no.

In that last minute, she thought about Ezra and how hopeful he was about the baby. He truly believed they could make it work and she did not doubt he would remain at her side while they faced this thing together. Julia thought about how earnest he was in his argument, how truly sincere he had spoken his case and how she had come away from it affected, even though she did not want to admit it. She rode all the way to Purgatory with those words plaguing her, demanding she give the babe inside her a chance to be something.

It was only as she sat on the table and noted the finality of her decision, did she realized she owed Ezra much more than sneaking away and having their baby discarded without so much as a word to him on the subject. They say a woman's body was her own but when Julia had seen those instruments before her, she knew she had not fully considered all alternatives. Unless there was one fragment of doubt in her mind as to her course, she should not even be considering such a thing.

However, now it all seemed academic.

The doctor had done his work, no doubt filled with the confidence he had not forced her against her will into this procedure, probably believing he adhered to her wishes and merely ignored her nervousness, not her true desires. Julia clutched her stomach as she cried softly that she could be so foolish and now it was too late because the possibility of life inside her was now taken away irrevocably. Who would believe her if she wanted retribution? Certainly not Ezra. She could imagine his anger and was resigned herself to losing him because of this. Somehow, it seemed only fair. She deserved no less for what she had done.

Julia could not remember how long she remained on the table inside that tin shack. She only knew the lamp oil was starting to burn into exhaustion and soon she would be enveloped in darkness. Somehow, she had to get out of here and return to Four Corners. She did not know how she was meant to feel in the wake of such butchery performed on her but she did believe there ought not to be this much pain involved. Gritting her teeth, she sat up slowly and felt a cry of pain wrenched from her as a result of the action.

It took several minutes following the initial exertion before Julia made the attempt to get dressed and each moment that tumbled by was slow and agonizing. She discarded the filthy nightgown; not wanting to see just how much blood was on it as she slipped on her cleaner clothes. There was a vague course of action in her mind but at present but it was clouded over in her physical limitations. Slowly, she slipped on the various pieces of garment until finally, she was the picture of the respectable lady, as respectable as one could be in these surroundings.

Climbing off the table was another exercise in burning pain as it took all her strength just to remain upright when she finally stepped onto the dirt floor.

Her knees felt weak and Julia took a tentative step forward and almost felt them buckle beneath her. She gripped the table and tried to steady herself before trying again a few minutes later. As she moved towards the door, wanting nothing but to be away from this awful place, her teeth gnashed down as she fought to control the agony tearing through her. She had no idea how she was going to endure the ride back to Four Corners but knew she had to somehow.

Julia entered the open air outside the door and took greedy gulps of fresh air after the fetid dankness inside the shack. She took deep breaths as she fought to control the pain, knowing it was vital she returned home and seek proper medical treatment. She refused to die in this unsavory place and certainly not before she looked Ezra in the eye and tell him with all honesty she had not meant for this to happen. The chances of his believing her would be remote. Julia was realistic about that but for once in her life she would do the honorable thing and give him the truth she withheld when she had left town.

Julia moved along the dirt track leading back to the heart of Purgatory at a snail's pace. She could hear in the distance, the sounds of men reveling in drunken behavior amidst the sound of gunshots intermingling with riotous laughter and loud voices, completely unconcerned about proper modes of behavior. She understood how dangerous it was for her to be here and felt some consolation in knowing she could not endure any worse at their hands than she had already. Her movements were ginger and fraught with the danger of collapse at any moment and yet Julia kept to the shadows, hoping to avoid being accosted as she returned to her horse.

She had not gotten very far into the heart of what was 'working girl' country in Purgatory when a rather drunk man came up to her with too much liquor on his breath and something on his mind she was in no way capable of accommodating.

"You're a pretty filly." He grinned and looked over his shoulder. "Hey Lydia!" 

The madam of that particular section of Purgatory glanced over from her tent at the man as Julia tried desperately to get by him, only to have his considerable bulk bar her way. She had not the strength to fight him but neither was she willing to let him touch her. "Take your hands off me Sir." She said trying to inject as much danger in her wavering voice.

"You're a spirited thing," he sneered and wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her abdomen tight against him. "I like that."

The agony that came from his grip almost made Julia loose consciousness as she let out a cry and almost drop to her knees. He let her go; realizing she was not engaged in some performance but in genuine pain. By this time, Lydia recognized Julia as not being in her stable of girls and hurried to confront this trespasser. It did not take the woman long to see who she was. Lydia had made enough trips into town and the new Emporium to know who Julia Pemberton was.

One of her employees, a younger girl named Melody had told Lydia how she was in the establishment and was refused service because of what she was.  Melody was about to leave when the owner Julia Pemberton had come to offer apologies and then personally waited on the young girl. Lydia had remembered being impressed with the gesture and now as she saw Julia Pemberton clearly in pain, knew she was in similar need of assistance.

"Miss Pemberton?" Lydia exclaimed in surprise and then looked at the man. "Leon, this ain't a working girl. Betty!" She looked over her shoulder and called a brunette trying unsuccessfully to entice a man into her tent. "Can you take Leon?"

"Sure Lydia." Betty's cheerful voice responded.

"You go on now Leon," Lydia smiled in her best business voice. "Betty will take care of you. Leave me to tend to this."

Leon was more than happy to depart and hurried away from the scene as Lydia took Julia by the arm. "What are you doing here Miss Pemberton? This ain't no place for a lady."

"I'm not a lady." Julia grunted, grateful for the help as Lydia led her to a nearby tent. "I went to see the doctor on the hill."

Lydia saw where she was looking and understood immediately what happened. "You didn't let that quack touch you, did you?" She asked, having heard stories of how the man had maimed some girls so badly their child rearing days would never be a problem again. Sometimes, he almost killed them with his filthy instruments and his unscrupulous behavior to get the job done and be paid, no matter what the risks to his patient.

"I didn't," Julia confessed in a mild stupor of pain. "But he did it anyway, even though I told him I changed my mind. Ezra will never believe such a story." She muttered as fresh tears came down her cheek.

"Now don't you think that," Lydia said soothingly. "I know Ezra Standish and he's a lot more sensitive than you think."

Somehow, Julia did not believe her.

*********

"So how is Nathan?" Mary asked when she and Alex met to have dinner together later that evening. On occasion, when the men in their lives were otherwise occupied for the evening, the two professional women of Four Corners sometimes shared supper together. Unfortunately, as much as they would have liked Inez's company on these occasions, the pretty bartender was otherwise engaged at the saloon and could find no way to join them. On this particular evening, Alex and Mary were appraising each other on the events that had transpired during the day and the hot topic seemed to be Nathan Jackson.

"Understandably upset." Alex sighed. "He really wants to go after Serfonteine."

"I would not blame him." Mary could empathize with the healer's feelings, even though she was far from understanding it completely. "I remember when I was younger before the war, we had abolitionists screaming that slave practices were evil and unchristian. My mother called it that 'southern unpleasantness' although father was a strong advocate for slave rights. He championed the cause most vocally in his paper much to my mother's chagrin. I never thought about it until I started reading some of the accounts by runaway slaves and then it just frightened me so terribly because I could not believe people could be so cruel."

"I am fortunate." Alex admitted. "My father never liked America enough in those days to visit. He had seen enough of slavery in other countries and the American variety seemed to be particularly brutal. My closest brush with such prejudice comes from my father's family."

"How awful." Mary exclaimed, unable to imagine any family shunning Alexandra Styles with all she had managed to accomplish in her life.

"My mother was an Indian dancer," Alex confessed, remembering the soft hands that used to glide expressively in her earliest memories, laden with heavy jewelry and seem to perform a dance in the skilled movements of her digits. "My father fell in love with her even though it was not very proper. His family ostracized him for it even though they never had the heart to disown him."

"I take it you've never met them?" Mary asked.

"No," Alex shook her head in response. "In truth, I don't wish to." It was not wrong to say she had a kind of family in Four Corners, dysfunctional as it was. What need did she have of blue blooded snobs in England who would never see her as anything but a half-caste usurper? "I've learn to do without them over the years and I'm used to it."

"I hope that's not true of Billy. I never want him to become used to being without me." The widow sighed as they approached the hotel in the distance.

"That's right," Alex replied, remembering Mary's news earlier that she and Chris had finally decided to set a date on their somewhat lengthy engagement. "You're bringing Billy home soon aren't you?"

"Yes," Mary answered, unable to hide the smile of delight on her face as she thought of her son who had been absent from her life for too long. "I'm so looking forward to having him home permanently. It's been so long Alex, I missed so much of his growing up."

When she sent him away after the death of his father, Mary did so because the boy was suffering terrible nightmares plaguing his sleep relentlessly. She guessed it had something to do with Billy being in the house at the time of Steven's death, although she had always prayed he had not seen the murder. It was not until Billy returned home and Chris coaxed him out of his shell enough to finger Steven's murderers that the boy's bad dreams finally relented and gave him peace. But Four Corners was still unsafe in Mary's opinion. Learning how trusted friends were Steven's assailants made Mary reluctant to bring Billy home when even friendly faces hid unseen killers.

"So very soon, you're not going to only have Billy at home but Chris too." Alex pointed out pleased things were moving forward for Mary Travis. It was about time she and Chris cemented their relationship anyway. There was not too people in the world more suited for each other and somehow the pretty blond was capable of doing the impossible by making Chris Larabee partially tolerable. In Alex's opinion, Mary deserved some kind of happiness for that alone.

"Yes," Mary let out a deep breath, wondering what hurdles would lie before her in light of that change in her life. "It will be interesting to say the least. Setting up house with a gunslinger, whatever would my mother say?"

"Actually," Alex found herself teasing. "I would like to put forward my request to be present when your mother does come to visit. I have got to be there the first time she sees Chris."

Mary looked at her with a slight frown. "You have a wicked sense of humor."

"It's my Bohemian upbringing," Alex winked.

Anything that Mary was about to say was interrupted when she saw Julia Pemberton riding down the street on a horse. Even from where she was, the woman's pallor was such a state it immediately gave her cause for concern. She could tell Julia was barely managing to stay in the saddle and the grimace on her face hid real pain. The horse was moving at a slow pace as if its rider could not endure anything more strenuous. The tension in the young woman's jaw, revealed she was biting down from the pain and immediately, the newswoman stepped off the boardwalk.

"What is it?" Alex asked following her gaze and then realizing with dismay what Mary was looking at. If Mary could detect the visible signs of Julia's injuries then what Alex saw sent her running. In seconds, she overtook Mary in their approach to the animal.

As Alex neared Julia and saw the pain in her face, she knew instantly what happened, that her worst fears were confirmed. The doctor felt a swell of guilt emerge from inside her the likes of which she had never known. Not even when she administered the fatal dose of curare to Randall Mason, did Alex feel regret like she did now, as she stared into Julia's flushed face. Alex was forced to remember only a few short hours ago, she was in a position to prevent the injury Julia had willingly submitted to.

"What did you do?" Alex hissed quietly as she reached the horse and pulled the reins.

"It's gone now." Julia said almost detached. The expression in her eyes was unreadable.

"What's happening?" Mary asked, arriving in the middle of this and did not quite understand what she was missing in this enigmatic conversation.

Alex did not answer and felt her stomach hollow as she helped Julia down from the horse and saw the blood soaking the saddle. "How long ago?" She asked shortly, aware that the town was watching this little drama play itself out on the main street.

"A few hours maybe." Julia responded. Her words were slurred and Alex knew she was going into shock from all the blood lost. "He knocked me out first."

"I don't understand." Mary started to speak when Alex cut her off.

"Mary, please find Ezra and bring him to my clinic and then I'll need your help. Please, I can't explain now."

Mary wanted to know now what was transpiring because she too had seen the blood on Julia's saddle. However the urgency in Alex's eyes made her quash her burning curiosity for the moment and the widow nodded. "Alright, you get her to the clinic. I'll bring Ezra and meet you there."

"Thank you." Alex said gratefully. "We're going to need your help."

Chapter Four
Truth and Lies

When Mary Travis arrived in the saloon, she had no idea how she was going to bring Ezra to the clinic without everyone being privy to the reason for this sudden summons. It was late in the evening, so the Standish Tavern would be at capacity with the full gamut of drinking types and revellers. True enough, Mary's entry through the bat wing doors of the smoke filled room, allowed her to see almost every inch of space before the bar counter was occupied by a variety of patrons. They ranged from cattle hands back from the trail, to the harder men who used their guns to make a living and even the bored husbands looking for company with the working girls present.

In this collection, she saw Chris and the friends who protected Four Corners in their capacity as the town's lawmen. She saw Chris and Vin engaged in conversation at the bar, laughing at something Inez was saying to them.

Buck was in the corner of the room with the new saloon girl Mary had seen around town called Jennifer, introducing her to his reputation as the town's Lothario. Josiah, Nathan, J.D. and Ezra were seated at their table as always with the southern dandy dealing out the cards as they prepared to indulge in their gambling urges.

Mary felt reluctant to enter the room even though she invaded this less than savoury bastion of male dominance on numerous occasions. Still, with the exception of Inez, it was not at all appropriate for a woman of her distinction to be in the place. It was almost tolerable during the day but under no circumstances did Mary want to be here at night. Nevertheless, she forced herself through the doors because Julia was hurt and undoubtedly, Ezra would want to know. She pushed her way through when Chris Larabee, whose highly observant gaze missed nothing, made the customary but surreptitious sweep of the room and caught sight of her.

Mary was relieved to see him and halted her advance into the premises when he rose off his stool immediately and made his way towards her, their brief eye contact relating to him something was happening. Vin who had seen Chris's gaze, fell into stride with his friend and very soon, both men were upon her.

"What's up?" Chris asked quietly.

"Something's wrong with Julia." Mary whispered, not anyone wanting to know what she had seen only a few minutes ago. "She's hurt."

"How?" Vin inquired just as softly.

"I don't know." Mary responded, even though she had a very good idea if the blood on the saddle was any clue of what condition currently ailed Julia Pemberton. Still, she knew how delicate a situation this was and did not wish to elaborate until they were well away from here. "We need to tell Ezra."

"I'll do it." Vin offered and slipped away into the crowd once more as Chris led Mary out of the saloon. While he understood her need to come into the establishment at times, Chris did not like Mary being in the saloon any more than she liked coming there. Besides, since he was somewhat aware of Ezra's problems at the moment, he wanted to query Mary on what was actually wrong with Julia and knew she would rather speak of it where there was a little privacy.

They stepped out in the evening air and already the afternoon crowds on the street had thinned out considerably, which made discussion of the subject at hand, easier. Mary was glad to be out of the place, away from the scent of liquor and unpleasant stench of cigars and smoke.

"Where is she now?" Chris inquired as they waited for Vin to bring Ezra out of the saloon.

"Alex is taking her to the clinic." Mary informed dutifully, still somewhat concerned about the woman because of the blood she had seen. While Julia had not made much effort to be friendly since her arrival in Four Corners, she had more or less grown on them all. It was difficult not to find a soft spot for the little schemer whose manipulations of people was almost mesmerizing to watch and yet despite her nature, Julia did attempt to make some amends to the people whom she hurt the most. While Mary could never consider her a close friend, she could to some extent call her an acquaintance and Mary decided a long time ago, if Alexandra Styles could find forgiveness for Julia then she could do the same.

Chris did not ask her any more than that because he gave his word to Ezra to remain silent on the subject of Julia's pregnancy. Whether or not Mary was aware of that fact was something they would discuss when they were alone and he was certain he was not betraying any one's confidences. Ezra and Julia had a difficult decision before them and Chris or Mary's interference should not complicate it.

"Chris, I think she might have been pregnant." Mary confessed unaware of what was going through his mind.

"How do you know?" Chris looked at her, hiding all traces of prior knowledge in his eyes as he did so.

"A woman knows." She said enigmatically before the creaking of hinges and approaching footsteps caused them both to face the doors to the saloon to see Ezra and Vin making their appearance. The confusion in the gambler's face was apparent, as Vin had not told him anything except his presence was needed outside, away from the others.

"Mr Standish," Mary immediately went towards him. "Its Julia."

Panic crossed his face in a second and then disappeared under that cool southern exterior. "Where is she?" He asked simply, his expression was unreadable and Mary knew at that instance he was unsurprised by her announcement.

"At Alex's clinic." She replied and Ezra started walking no sooner than the words had crossed her lips. As he brushed past her, Mary and Chris exchanged a brief glance before Vin joined them and they fell into step behind Ezra who was now several paces ahead.

Mary could think only one thing as they followed the gambler.

He knew.

*********

Alex helped Julia into the clinic and was aware during the laboured journey just how much pain the woman was enduring. A part of her was furious at Julia for doing this because she was a doctor long enough to know what damage these back alley quacks were capable of inflicting upon their patients. The blood was not noticeable against the dark of Julia's skirt but Alex could smell the metallic stench as she helped Julia, who was groaning softly in pain, into the examination room sectioned off from the rest of her surgery by  white partitioning.

The pain Julia was experiencing was considerable to say the least. The petite redhead was almost incoherent with agony by the time Alex helped her onto the examination table so that the doctor could inspect the extent of the damage. However, one thing was clear to Alex when she pulled on her surgical gloves and readied herself for the examination, Julia had not undergone her 'surgery' willingly. Through the haze of trauma, Alex heard the mutterings of a person emotionally distressed by what happened to her. Although she knew none of the specifics of the actual procedure, Julia's state of mind did not correspond with someone who was relieved of a particularly difficult situation.

Instead, Julia showed all the signs of grieving for the child that would now never be.

"I deserve this you know." Alex heard Julia mumble as the doctor started cutting away the clothes on her body. It was far simpler than attempting to remove the confining material by conventional means. Julia was hardly in shape to do anything.

"Don't talk," Alex instructed, requiring concentration as pieces of fabric fell away. "You need to reserve your strength."

"Reserve my strength for what?" Julia looked up at her with a sudden burst of clarity. Emerald coloured eyes stared back at Alex with clear defeat. The beautiful face for which so many men sold their souls to possess, showed vulnerability as well as grief. "I killed his baby! He's never going to forgive me!"

"Calm down." Alex said letting the words bounce off her as she added another bloodied strip to the soiled collection. It was the pain doing the talking now; Alex recognized that but maintained her professional detachment if she was to be any assistance to Julia. "Ezra will understand."

"Understand?" Julia laughed shortly as she leaned back on the table and stared at the ceiling with tears filling her eyes. Large drops of salty tears rolled down the sides of her cheeks before becoming lost in her hair. "He told me before I went to that place we could raise this child. You should have heard him." Her voice started to crack. "He was so earnest about it and it gnawed at me all the way there he might be right."

"Julia don't talk." Alex replied, her attention was mostly focused on what she was doing, to concentrate on the words her patient was trying to say in order to receive some form of absolution.

"I need to!" She barked. "Because no one will believe me when I try to explain it, certainly not Ezra." She started weeping in deep ragged sobs.

Alex wished she could offer the distraught Miss Pemberton some comfort but her interest was more focused on Julia's body rather than her mind at this point. By now, Alex had stripped off most of her clothes and covered Julia with a blanket as she began the preliminary examination.

"Tell me." Alex prompted, hoping the permission to speak would allow Julia to calm down and give Alex the freedom to do what was required.

"I went there and I was all set to do it." Julia spoke through her tears. "I mean it would be gone and everything would be back to normal but then there was this voice in my head and it kept repeating everything Ezra said to me." She paused a moment as another bout of sharp pain refreshed itself in her body and she had to fight the urge to pull her knees up to her stomach because she knew Alex was conducting an examination of her. "I was sitting there on this filthy table, looking at those disgusting instruments and something inside me just snapped. I couldn't go through with it! I just couldn't let that man touch me at least until I knew if what Ezra said was right."

This did make Alex pause as the full implication of Julia's words impacted in her mind. "I don't understand, if you decided that you weren't going to do it..."

"He said I had nerves." Julia continued and halted Alex's inquiries any further. "He said it was natural to be afraid and he was not going to let all that money go." She started laughing even though there were more tears in her eyes. "He said I'd thank him later."

"Are you telling me he did it even though you said no?" Alex demanded, unable to believe someone could commit such a monstrous act.

"He said there was nothing to be afraid of and then he put this filthy rag to my mouth. It smelled strange so I fought him," Julia whispered started slipping back into her tears now. "I fought him but he had it over my mouth and he was strong. I couldn't stop him and when I breathed it in, I couldn't do anything any more. When I woke up, it was over."

Alex felt herself tense with anger but forced away her self-righteous wrath for the moment. She was about to respond to Julia's awful tale when suddenly she heard the door open and knew it was Mary bringing Ezra to the clinic. She thought quickly, trying to decide what to tell the gambler and knew Julia was right, her story was hard to believe unless one there to experience it first hand or was the doctor who had heard her anguished confession.

A few months ago and Alex would have happily allowed Ezra to learn the truth and feel no remorse at watching him cast Julia aside as she had been similarly despatched when Ezra confessed his love for the Easterner. Except it was Julia who forced Alex to confront the feelings she possessed for Vin Tanner. Despite the injury to her pride at the ending of their relationship, Alex could say with all honesty she was relieved. Her heart was no longer with Ezra and remaining with him out of obligation would have served no one. In the time since then, Alex had almost come to see the manipulative Julia Pemberton as a friend, albeit not the closest one she had. Alex had resolved her anger with Julia long ago and right now, if Julia was accurate, the woman's relationship with Ezra was hanging by a thread unless she intervened.

Alex looked at her sobbing her tears of regret and felt her own heart constrict inside her chest because the pain Alex saw in Julia's eyes was no facade. Alex of all people knew the tricks Julia played and decided this display of sorrow was no act but genuine grief. Alex did believe this butcher in Purgatory had done what she alleged.

"Mary, are you out there?" Alex called out before she stepped out from behind the partition.

"I'm here Alex," Mary's familiar voice responded.

"Where's Julia?" Ezra demanded, fear apparent in his voice. Alex saw Julia flinch as if his words were a physical blow of great pain about to be endured.

Taking a deep breath, Alex decided what she was going to do and took Julia's hand in hers and whispered softly.

"Play along with me Julia," she instructed glancing at the shadows of her friends through the white linen partitioning. "I'll take care of everything." Then in a louder voice, she called out again. "Mary, come behind the partition. The rest of you stay where you are."

Julia looked at her confused and wanted to question what Alex meant by her strange words when Mary stepped into the narrow cubicle where Alex would soon perform her treatment.

"Is she all right?" Mary asked and saw the blood stained clothes on the floor. Her question died in her throat as Alex advanced towards her.

"No," Alex shook her head sombrely as she met Mary's gaze. "She had a miscarriage."

"Oh no," Mary exclaimed, completely aware of how terrible a thing it could be, having suffered one herself not so long ago. "How?"

"Mary, I don't have time to explain it to you at this moment," Alex said abruptly, having not thought that far ahead to concoct a suitable explanation. "Could you please stay with her while I talk to Ezra?"

"Of course," Mary hurried to Julia's side.

The redhead was staring at Alex in nothing less than astonishment but quickly hid her surprise when Mary reached her. The widow took Julia's hand in hers and offered a genuine smile of sympathy. "It's going to be okay," Mary smiled reassuringly as she ran a soothing hand over Julia's feverish brow. "We'll take care of you."

As Julia saw Alex slip through the partitioning to greet Ezra, she was starting to believe Mary could just be right about that.

*********

"I want to see her." Ezra demanded as Alex made her appearance before the gambler, Chris and Vin . "Is she all right?"

By now, Alex had formulated some sort of convincing explanation to make Ezra believe the reason Julia no longer carried their child was anything but the cause of a forced abortion. She told herself what she was doing was for the best interest of her patient but a deeper feeling existed inside Alex that felt Julia had suffered enough and did not require Ezra's enmity as well. She was glad Vin was present for the tracker offered her a comforting smile as she saw him. Vin's love was the reason she climbed out of bed some days and she would hate to see Julia robbed of that same feeling at a time when she needed Ezra the most.

"I'm sorry Ezra," Alex sighed, wishing this sort of news could be delivered better or at the very least delivered by someone else. "She suffered a miscarriage."

Ezra blinked hard, trying to control the pain but could not. He was somewhat surprised by how much the loss affected him considering how they had received the news of Julia's pregnancy to begin with. This should have been a relief after the conflicts both of them endured the past day but it was not. The irony of the situation was not lost upon him that just when he was ready to accept fatherhood, the opportunity was cruelly ripped from him.

"How did it happen?" He asked as Vin patted his back in the age-old gesture of support among the male of the species.

"Its difficult to say," Alex said carefully and was aware Vin was looking at her hard. She tried to hold her best poker face because if she was lying, there were no three people on this Earth who would be able to detect it better than Chris Larabee, Vin Tanner and Ezra Standish. "Early stages of pregnancy is often unpredictable. A foetus forms in a very fragile environment and if the requirements of that environment is to the slightest degree less than perfect, the process can abort." Alex answered, hoping she provided a convincing reason. "Now, I have to go back in there to see what other damage had occurred so please, it would be best if you waited upstairs."

Ezra sucked in his breath and said nothing to refute her statement or his belief she was being anything but absolutely truthful to him. Alex hated to lie but this way was far more compassionate then telling Ezra the whole ugly truth.

"Come on Ezra," Vin urged, leading him away from the doctor so that she could begin her work. "Let Alex do what she has to."

Vin guided Ezra to the flight of stairs leading to the second floor of the building where Alex resided with Chris following closely behind. However, she did notice the tracker's blue eyes brushing past hers briefly as he departed. His gaze met hers with such intensity Alex knew without doubt Vin could tell she was lying. He could read her as well as she had learned to decipher his enigmatic moods.

Still, Vin was aware as a doctor, there were some things she could not discuss with him. Whether or not what she was now hiding from him fell into that category, he could not say. In any event, he was not about to pursue it with her at this time. Instead, he did as she wanted and guided Ezra upstairs so she could do what was necessary to help Julia Pemberton.

*********

"I had actually entertained thoughts of running to Mexico when she first told me." Ezra mused as he sat at the kitchen table with Vin and Chris, feeling this deep void in his soul he could not seem to fill in light of Alex's announcement. "I mean do I look like the paternal type to you?"

"Not really." Vin said with a faint smile as he poured Ezra a cup of coffee after making a fresh pot. Fortunately, his intimacy with Alex allowed the tracker to become very familiar with where everything was in her house, in particular her kitchen although he was disappointed there was nothing stronger than coffee in her cupboards. At the moment, Ezra really did look like he needed a stiff drink. "I can't even imagine you owning a cat."

"Exactly," Ezra continued in that same dazed monotone. "I kept fish once and they died. What was I going to do with a child?" He glanced at Chris who had opted to remain silent.

Chris was never very good at offering comfort. In fact, he was downright terrible if he was forced to admit it. He never knew how to sympathize with anyone when there was still so much grief in his own soul regarding Sarah and Adam's loss. How could he give people hope with words when he felt nothing of the kind for so long? It just seemed hypocritical.

"But then I considered the matter at great length and decided perhaps it was not as impossible as it seem. After all, a great many people seem to have little difficulty in raising a number of offspring and perhaps it might even be a challenge." Ezra was careful to omit Chris's part in his decision to accept responsibility of Julia's child because he knew the gunslinger would feel uncomfortable about it, even to Vin.

"It ain't never gonna not happen Ezra," Vin spoke, feeling badly for his friend because he wanted children with Alex some day and he knew he would be similarly crushed if such a thing happened to her. "This time, it just wasn't mean to be."

"After all the soul searching and personal examination, I feel as if I was playing with a stacked deck and all my effort was for nothing." He sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. "Julia was never even allowed to become accustomed to the idea."

"She must be feeling pretty badly by now." Vin remarked, wondering how women endured such loss. How did it feel to have life so close in one's grasp and snatched away before it even had a chance to begin?

"She was so frightened by the prospect of impending motherhood I am at a loss to know how she would feel on this subject." Ezra confessed, remembering how adamant she was of ridding herself of 'it'. He remembered how she could not even bring herself to acknowledge it as a baby and felt a little resentment.

"Women can be real strange about children." Chris spoke for the first time. "Sarah had moments where she would cuss at me and call me all sorts of names about how she hated I did this to her." Chris tried to suppress a smile as he remembered Sarah in her worst hormonal rages. "I'd get things thrown at me and food too. Sarah had a temper on her. I actually thought she was going to kill the poor baby the minute he turned up but when Adam did come..." Chris paused a moment. While it was becoming easier to speak of Sarah and Adam these days, it was still difficult to remember them. "She was so happy. People always assume motherhood is a natural thing for women, that it's something they ought to know, not like it is with men."

"I will refrain from using my mother as a subject case in your argument Mr Larabee," Ezra tried to joke, understanding what Chris was trying to say. "It is too obvious an example."

"Truth is," Chris continued. "It scares them just as much as it scares us. More so in fact because we can get on our horses and ride away. No baby is gonna follow us if we decide we don't want nothing to do with it. It ain't the same with women. Its theirs to carry for the whole time, all the while feeling scared everything they do shapes the life inside them."

"I never thought of it that way," Vin said easing back into his chair, giving the point serious consideration. He had very little to do with women throughout his life, even when he was living with the Indians. Until Alex, Vin had not even been in a serious relationship to know how women regarded motherhood than what he had seen in passing.

"I hope Julia is all right," Ezra whispered. "I became so enraptured at the possibility of being a father, I never even tried to understand how terrified she must have been." He knew she was afraid but he thought it was just the same fears he possessed. In fact, Ezra had done everything possible to make Julia to think of her pregnancy as a child. Now he cursed himself for doing so because the pain would be doubly worse for her now.

"I'm sure she is." Vin tried to reassure him, seeing the worry in his eyes Ezra was trying desperately to hide under his usual charming facade. "Alex would have said so otherwise." 

However, Vin made no mention of what he saw in Alex's eyes when he left the clinic with the others. Alexandra Styles had more or less stood before them earlier and lied. While he knew her motivations must have been for good reason, he knew she did not lie easily and felt uncomfortable about doing so to her patients or their loved ones. Thinking why Alex lied, led Vin on an uncomfortable train of thought culminating in the possibility that perhaps the miscarriage was not the real truth. Vin was no innocent, he knew there were women who went to great lengths to rid themselves of unwanted pregnancies at perilous costs to themselves. Desperation could force a person to endure anything.

The question was did Julia?

Vin had no idea how to feel about that if his suspicions were true. As a man, he could not possibly understand the anxieties that might drive a woman to endure such danger or the resistance to the idea of impending motherhood. However, he did guess the reason for Alex's desire to keep this discreet. If Julia had done what he believed, then she had also committed a crime punishable by the same laws that dispensed justice to murderers. If anyone found out, Julia could find herself in a world of trouble, not to mention what Ezra would think of the whole thing.

Still, if Alex found it in her heart to forget her past enmity with Julia and cover for her, then she must have had good reason. Vin had enough faith in the woman he loved to wait and see what that might be.

*********

Julia fell into a fitful sleep once Alex had sedated her. Nevertheless, Mary still sat by the younger woman's side, running her soft hands over Julia's brow like she would do to a child, offering soothing comfort even in slumber. Alex worked under the sheet covering Julia, saying little to Mary because her concentration was firmly focused on her patient. There were beads of sweat running down the doctor's forehead as she treated Julia, reaching for instrument that returned to the tray it came from bloodied and soiled.

Mary tried not to look and wondered if Alex performed the same procedure on her when she had her miscarriage. The subject made her decidedly uncomfortable and she forced the memories away. She wondered how Julia would have taken to knowing a child was on the way. Mary was almost tempted to ask but knew Alex was bound by the tenets of doctor patient confidentiality and was not allowed to disclose such information.

"How is it going?" Mary finally asked, unable to bear the silence any longer.

Alex looked up and scolded herself for still keeping Mary here, now that Julia was sedated.

"I'm sorry Mary," Alex quickly apologized. "I had not meant to keep you here so long. I just wanted someone with her while I did what I have to."

"Its all right," Mary reassured her that no offence was taken. "I'm just getting a little queasy being in here." She glanced at the instruments to make her point. "But how is she?"

"She'll be okay." Alex sighed, feeling no joy in that knowledge. The mental trauma to Julia was far worse than any physical wounds and Alex could not heal those as easily. It required a remedy far greater than those at Alex's disposal. "There's little else I can do except for a curette."

Alex did not add she made a thorough examination of Julia to ensure the 'doctor' in Purgatory had not damaged her during the procedure. While the man's work was indeed that of a clumsy surgeon, he did managed to conduct the surgery with only minor abrasions and nothing that would prevent Julia from having children in the future, if she so wished it. Alex supposed she had to be grateful for that.

"It could have been worse." Mary pointed out, aware Alex was taking her inability to help Julia hard. Even though Mary never said a word about it, she knew how guilty Alex had been when she suffered her own miscarriage. Alex's need to help sometimes clouded her professional distance and while it made her a wonderful doctor, the personal cost was great.

"I know." Alex said gloomily, continuing with what she was doing. "Its just hard to admit failure sometimes and I have a feeling Julia is not going to recover from this as easily as we might think."

"She has Ezra to help her through this." Mary reminded. "Trust me," the widow said with some measure of personal knowledge in this matter. "When it hits her that support will mean a great deal."

Alex wondered if it would mean all that much considering the guilt Julia would no doubt have once she woke up. Normally, she would expect Julia Pemberton to shrug this situation off and not think twice about the matter but Alex remembered what she had said when they had first come to the clinic. Julia's grief and sorrow was real as well as her remorse. The doctor did not doubt the days ahead for her would yield much guilt.

Alex could have helped Julia when she had come to her initially for that very reason. Julia had come to the one person who would have most reason to refuse her because she had been so afraid. Alex should have known refusing would have driven her to this end. Well, Alex had been unable to help her then but she could do this now and deep inside, Alex prayed it was not too little too late.

*********

There are moments one regrets forever, despite all the moralizing and the platitudes that come with attempts at consolation. Throughout her life, there were many things she had been ashamed to admit doing, especially in those silent hours of the night when there was no one, except herself looking in the dark mirror of secret reflection. During those times, who she was could not be concealed behind an engaging smile and in those wee hours, it was easy to feel some measure of accountability.

Julia Pemberton woke up from her black sleep and knew this time, there was no need for such deep reflection. The accountability she feared reared its ugly head almost as soon as a conscious thought entered her waking mind. She opened her eyes and found she was in one of the beds in Alex's infirmary, dimly lit by a lamp fluttering its light on the bedside table next to her. The intense pain gripping her earlier on was gone. All there was in its place was this hollow feeling that had no words to describe it and told her that while she was still alive, the baby inside her was gone.

The baby.

Since when had it become so real to her? A matter of hours ago, it was merely some unpleasantness needing to be banished from her with as much speed as possible. Now it was her child, except she would never have a chance to know it because she was responsible for its murder! She could not call it anything else. She could not absolve herself of anything even if that butcher at Purgatory defied her wishes and perform the surgery anyway. She had gone there in the first place! Julia had not even given Ezra or the life inside her the time to contemplate the possibility. Her terror had propelled her to that hive of savages where she willingly entered the slaughterhouse and allowed this thing to be performed on her.

Julia was weeping even before she was aware there was tears in her eyes. The anguish escaped her like a breath of air and in its freedom, clenched her heart in its cold fist.

"Julia?" She heard the muffled voice of someone beside her.

Trying to stifle her tears, she turned around and saw Ezra sitting up in the armchair next to her bed. In her distraught state of mind, she had not even noticed him there until now. By the look of him, her tears had awakened him after spending who knows how long asleep in that chair. Outside, it was still dark and Julia felt her chest tighten, knowing he had remained at her side throughout most of the night.

"Ezra." She whispered staring at him.

"Are you all right my dear?" He asked, reaching for her hand as he came quickly to her side. The worry in his eyes was apparent even though he hid it behind a confident smile, meant for her benefit.

"Yes." Julia responded somewhat dejectedly. "I'll live." She stopped crying now but she regarded him with tear filled eyes, almost in anticipation with what he would say.

Ezra pulled his chair towards him with an outstretched foot while still holding her hand and covering her forehead in gentle kisses meant to soothe. "I am so sorry this happened." Ezra whispered, trying to hide the emotion in his face at his own feelings of loss. "As Mr Tanner put it so eloquently, it just was not meant to be."

Julia swallowed the tears that wanted to come because she knew how much of a lie that was. She could not bring herself to tell him the truth out of her terrible fear of losing him too and yet she felt less than human for lying to him. Still, she would not allow him to endure that pain as well and so the burden would be hers exclusively.

As it should be.

"I guess not." She said quietly.

"Julia," he replied pressing his lips against her in a gentle kiss. "I love you more than I love any baby. Perhaps we may be presented with the same opportunity once more but I am content to simply have you until then. I do not want you to think in anyway this was anything but unfortunate luck. Sometimes, the cards are merely dealt that way."

Julia wanted to cry now hearing those wonderfully delivered words meant to take away all her apprehensions and fear only to make her feel worse. She wondered if Alex had been kind by lying for her. Perhaps this was one moment where she needed to simply tell him the truth. However, as she looked into his eyes and saw the love he had for her, the genuine need to know this was a fate, Julia knew she could not destroy all that. How she felt at this moment, could not endure his hostility if he learnt the uglier truth.

"Thank you Ezra," she whispered softly. "It means a lot to hear you say you don't blame me for this. I did after all wish it gone so many times."

"Do not concern yourself with such thoughts," he responded by shaking his head to brush away such notions. "I have not. I know you were afraid and it was the fear making itself heard. I felt the same apprehensions myself but it appears this time at least, it was not meant to be. I have no doubt that one day we will have a household of offspring to sap away our youth." He joked.

Julia managed a small laugh and winced because the pain that came from it was acute. "I do love you Ezra and however I might have behaved earlier, there was a point when it did not just become something I should rid myself off. You must believe me it was a child to me when I realized it was lost."

"I know." Ezra said tenderly. "I never doubted that Julia." He eased himself down on the chair and said with a faint smile. "You have been an unmitigated pain in the derriere since I met you Miss Pemberton. I think no one save my dear mother has had the unique ability to make me wish to tear all my hair out except you."

"I'm so honoured." She managed a weak smile, knowing this was leading to something.

"However," his grin widened. "You have also been one of the best things to grace my existence and no child could ever be worth my losing you." He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it with true affection.

Julia looked at him and knew with complete certainty now she could never tell him the truth.

*********

He came back from the saloon and found her in the parlour, fast asleep on her favourite wing chair. An untouched cup of cocoa sat on the table and Vin stood by the doorway, watching her sleep. There were no words he could say, no poetry he could recite to adequately describe how he felt about Alexandra Styles, only once he was alone and now he would never be again. He had loved her from the first moment he laid eyes on her and though it had taken longer for her, Vin knew she felt as much for him now. Theirs was a relationship both hot and lusty and yet so warm and comforting at the same time.

He watched her sleep for a few more seconds before stepping forward to scoop her up in his arms to carry her to bed. Alex stirred slightly as she felt his strong hands around her body and opened her eyes to his face leaning over hers.

"Hey there cowboy." She said dreamily.

"You weren't waiting for me were you?"

"No," she shook her head as she nestled her head in the crook of his shoulder as he carried her out of the wing chair. "I needed some winding down after everything."

"Ezra still down there?" He inquired as they left the parlour.

"I imagine so," Alex sighed securing her arms around his neck. "If it were me, would you leave?"

"Not a chance." Vin smiled as he pushed the door to her bedroom open with a gentle nudge of his boot.

"Last time I looked in on them, they were both asleep." Alex yawned as Vin made his way to her bed.

"Its been quite a day for them." 

She could tell he wanted to ask her why she lied but was resisting the urge to do so. Alex knew whatever she told him would remain confidential and there was another reason to tell him. Vin was a tracker, the best in the Territory according to Chris Larabee. She had a job for him to do and that would necessitate revealing Julia's secret.

"I guess you knew I was lying." She remarked once he set her down on the bed.

Vin paused at that statement and then nodded slightly. "You are my woman Darlin'. I know your ways."

Alex smiled faintly and started removing her clothes. As she started unbuttoning her shirt, Vin sat down on the bed and started pulling off his boots. "She didn't have a miscarriage."

Vin nodded unsurprised. He more or less expected this to be the secret she guarded from the others. "I thought so."

"She went to Purgatory to have it done." Alex sighed, tossing her shirt onto the nearby chair. "Even got to the table where it was supposed to happen and then lost her nerve."

"Lost her nerve?" He looked at her. "You're saying she didn't want to do it?" The scepticism in his voice was apparent.

"That bastard of a quack probably thought he was doing her a favour by putting her under even after she said no. Probably had ether in the rag he put over her face. It works very quickly and if you know what you're doing, it knocks you out for quite awhile."

Vin was appalled. "You mean, she said no and he knocked her out anyway and did it?"

Through the dim light of the moon casting its glow through her bedroom window, Alex could see Vin's jaw tightening in moral outrage.

"Yes." Alex answered. "That's how she tells it."

Vin paused a moment as he searched for a way to put this delicately. After a few seconds, he decided to just come out and say it. "Do you believe her?"

Alex considered the question knowing he had the right to ask in light of what she would soon be asking of him. Did she believe Julia Pemberton? Of all the people in Four Corners, Alexandra Styles had the least reason to give Julia the benefit of the doubt, not after their volatile first meeting. It was hard for Alex to come to terms with the fact she was protecting Julia's reputation this way, when they were rolling around on the floor like brawling children during their initial encounter. Yet Alex knew what she witnessed in Julia's eyes. She saw the terrible remorse and the deep regret. Had Alex not intervened, Julia would have told Ezra what had really happened, ignoring the consequences to herself, however improbable the explanation might seem.

"Yes," Alex nodded, firm in this belief more than ever. "I believe her Vin."

"That's good enough for me." Vin answered climbing into bed with her.

"Vin," she asked as she snuggled into his arms under the sheets. "I need you to go to Purgatory tomorrow and talk to a working girl named Lydia."

Vin looked at her in surprise. "Why?"

"She helped Julia get to town after this thing was done to her. I'd like you to see her about keeping what she saw to herself. I doubt she'd talk to everyone about it but its probably best we take the precaution."

"Not a bad idea." Vin agreed because the seven did make trips to Purgatory and Lydia might unwittingly give away Julia's secret, which was precisely what Alex did not want. "I might also have a little talk with this doctor in Purgatory."

Vin suggested in a thinly veiled threat Alex had no doubt he would make good upon.

While she did not advocate violence, for once Alex wanted him to go beat the hell out of the bastard who would do such a thing to a woman after she had said no. As far as Alex was concerned, the word no should have settled everything. He had no right to interpret that as he pleased.

Alex leaned next to Vin and kissed him on the mouth. "You're a good man to have around cowboy."

Vin savoured her lips against his and smiled. "I ain't done yet." He winked before rolling over and covering her body with his...

*********

The next morning saw J.D Dunne on the look out for Violet Serfonteine. Armed with a mission, J.D. was eager to prove he was up to the task of using the young woman to gain intelligence on her brother's activities while he was at Four Corners.

J.D. was aware the older members of the seven looked upon his suggestion with some scepticism which only heightened J.D.'s determination to prove the others wrong in their assertions.

Most of the seven were strangely absent this morning. He saw Vin riding out in the direction of Purgatory and decided Chris must have sent him there on some business. J.D. was almost tempted to ask if he wanted company but the tracker did not appear to wish it. Those who rode with Vin Tanner were accustomed to his solitary jaunts on occasion. They knew it was nothing personal, it was just his way.

J.D. also knew Nathan was riding out to the Seminole village for a few days, to avoid any further confrontations with Nicholas. Just as well, J.D. decided. The young man was not so much of a novice to be unmindful of how volatile it was having both men anywhere near each other. In truth, he appreciated Nathan's anger even if he did not understand it. In the city, prejudice existed on so many levels there came a point where each ethnic dislike seem to drown each other out until no one noticed a black man from an immigrant. J.D.'s mother had never believed it necessary to view one man any differently than the others.

'We're all God's creatures' she used to say and J.D. believed it was still an accurate statement. Nathan was a good friend and J.D. could not imagine anything more ridiculous then denying himself that friendship simply because Nathan was the wrong colour.

He was walking down the boardwalk near the Emporium when he saw Violet Serfonteine making her exit from the establishment. It was easy to see she was not a local from the manner in which she carried herself or by the way she was dressed. She belonged in a city somewhere, walking along tree-lined avenues and going to parties where they served things like cucumber sandwiches and tea. She seemed so out of place here with her fine linen and perfect smile. Not at all like the warm familiarity of Casey's skin browned from working under the sun. He supposed it was a sign of maturity he was happier with his tomboy farm girl than he could ever be with this porcelain doll.

Seeing her, J.D. hastened his pace and ran into the young woman who immediately burst into an enchanting smile at the sight of him. J.D. saw no sign of her brother in the vicinity and decided he ought to be grateful for a few minutes alone with the southern belle. No matter how head strong Violet Serfonteine may seem, J.D. had no doubts her brother would not be impressed by her choice of companions.

"Good morning Miss Violet." J.D. smiled, trying to imitate Buck when he was trying to be his most charming. He carried it for most part as he tipped his hat in her direction, attempting to be gentlemanly and wondered how Ezra managed to do it with such flawless expertise.

"Mr Dunne, the local sheriff." She smiled. "Have your friends decided that you can come out and play now?

She was baiting him but J.D. refused to let it bother him. It was part of the role she acted in the company of men and he had not been out of school long enough to forget the coy games girls like to play, to know how to handle her. "I do what I want." J.D. said firmly, showing her he was not at all bothered by her comment. "I speak to whomever I please."

"I'm sure." She said skeptically. "What can I do for you Mr. Dunne?" She pretended to be bored by his intrusion even though it did not appear so in her eyes.

"Well, before you got on to insulting me I kind of thought you'd like to come riding with me, seeing you're not leaving town." J.D. sighed, knowing how to play the game a little himself after watching Buck.

"A ride?" She smiled widely, attempting to hide her enthusiasm but not quite managing it. After a day in this town, she was already bored to tears and the distraction with this young lawman might prove interesting. "How interesting but I don't seem to have a horse."

"That's okay," J.D. said easily. "Miss Alex let me use her horse Phoebe. She's gentle enough for an afternoon's ride. Miss Alex don't ride too well either."

"You're assuming that I am a poor rider?" Violet looked at him with some measure of offence.

"Not at all," he answered smoothly, maneuvering out of that particular minefield with more skill than he believed he possessed. "I can find you a feistier animal if you like. I'm sure Josiah won't mind lending me his horse. Lord knows he's been thrown off the thing enough times to be rid of it for awhile."

Violet seemed uncomfortable by that notion because she was not that able a rider in truth and did not want an animal that might possibly throw her off and injure her. Still, she took a moment to extricate herself from the situation with dignity. "I think I can endure your Miss Alex's Phoebe," she smiled at him and then gushed. "So I would be delighted to accept your invitation Mr. Dunne."

"Well I'll come for you at lunch then." J.D. said pleased, thinking how he was getting off to a fine start with his subterfuge.

"I'll be waiting." Violet returned as J.D. tipped his hat in a parting gesture before crossing the street towards the saloon.

*********

Casey Wells had not intended to come to town with Aunt Nettie but somehow, the opportunity to catch sight of J.D. was too much even for the young woman's deepest resolve. She knew she should not be so wrapped up in a boy like J.D. because he had the glimmer of a dreamer at heart. He wanted so much to be like the other members of the seven that he could think of nothing else. Unfortunately, it was for precisely his dreams Casey cared so much about J.D. Besides, it took a special man to be able to look beyond her tomboy exterior to see a young woman beneath the dirt on her skin from working the land.

J.D. saw that and more.

J.D. had come to her house courting her like a proper young lady and no matter how much he may have botched the attempt with the drivel he was trying to recite, Casey nevertheless lost her heart to him completely that day. She felt comforted he cared about the real her, ignoring she never wore dresses and did not seem fine and pretty as most other girls appeared to be. Sometimes, Casey tried to wear a dress for him but most times J.D. just preferred her as she was and it was hard not to love someone so completely for that.

Aunt Nettie was still debating with the hardware storeowner when Casey, grown bored with the bartering had stepped out of the shop. The young woman observed the people going about their business this morning, almost lazy in her observation when she saw J.D. Casey was about to call out to him when suddenly she saw him pause in front of a young woman emerging from the Emporium. Casey had seen her about earlier for she was not a person to be easily missed with all that elegant clothing and dainty air. However, Casey dismissed her as nothing more than one of those city girls visiting the town.

Casey watched in growing apprehension as J.D. tipped his hat to the young woman, engaging her in conversation while acting in a manner that was very unlike him at all. She tensed as she saw the girl smile back and felt somewhat drab in her flannel shirt and work trousers. Instinctively, Casey looked up and saw herself in the reflection in the window of the hardware store. The comparisons between her and the young woman J.D. was talking to was obvious. Suddenly, Casey felt incredibly conscious about how she looked. Her dark hair was tied in a ponytail that did nothing to flatter her appearance. She did not look like a woman at all, with most of her shape hidden under her frumpy clothes, not to mention the dusty hat that hid her face.

Casey found herself staring at the woman whom J.D. was spending quite some time talking to and felt like such a disgrace at how she looked. It was no wonder J.D. would find that girl interesting. Look at her! She was beautiful with her golden hair that was not quite to the standard of Mary Travis's flaxen lock but still, it shimmered in the sunlight like gold through water. Everything about her was perfect, from the pearly teeth of her smile to the creamy skin. How could Casey even dream of competing with that?

Look, he was tipping his hat for the woman!

J.D. had never tipped his hat for her.

"Casey?" Nettie emerged from the hardware store and saw the expression in her niece's eyes. The pain she saw immediately struck concern into the old woman's heart. Casey was more than just her niece. The young girl entrusted to her care, she had raised almost from a babe, was like her own daughter and Nettie's love for her was more maternal than anything else.

Casey whirled around, trying hard to hide the tears threatening to spill form her expressive hazel eyes. "Can we go Aunt Nettie?"

"Why of course," Nettie said sympathetically as she realized what Casey had been looking at. Upon seeing J.D. with the young woman in front of the Emporium, Nettie could understand why Casey was feeling so much hurt. "Are you all right honey?"

"Yes." Casey nodded brushing past her aunt as she walked up the boardwalk towards their wagon. Her heavy workboots made loud footsteps and seemed to be the final edict of how inappropriately she was dress and how she was powerless to compete with the young woman capturing J.D Dunne's undivided attention.

Nettie watched her dejected retreat and felt for her niece's rapidly breaking heart. Nettie always liked J.D. and did not know enough about what he was doing with the young woman to leap to any conclusions, because she was old enough to make the distinction. The same however, could not be said for Casey who was young and in love at a time in her life when youth made every emotion a tidal wave of feeling. It will sort itself out, Nettie sighed as she followed Casey to the wagon and if not, Nettie had no idea who she would feel more sorry for. Casey with her broken heart or J.D., when Casey got through with him.

*********

There she was again, Nicholas Serfonteine thought when he saw the flaxen haired beauty emerging from the office that held the sign Clarion News in clear display for anyone who was interested. She emerged in pretty but plain dress of lavender, carrying a basket, her golden hair worn up in a confining coiffeur.

She had in Nicholas's opinion, the most amazing coloured eyes he had ever seen in his life. There was only one thing wrong with her and he was holding it in his hands at the moment.

He believed she merely ran the local rag but could not conceive of the idea she also wrote the damn thing. The ideas in her paper were more than just a little disconcerting coming from such a pure specimen of what he believed to be the supreme race on this Earth. Unfortunately, she hailed from the east and like all inhabitants of that place, seemed to have brought those liberal ideas with her. He read the paper and saw words like 'native rights' and 'civil liberties' bandied about like a free for all. Where on Earth did such a beautiful creature come up with such unsavoury ideas?

Nicholas did not know and despite what better judgement was telling him, decided he did not care. Even in the south, which had the most beautiful women in all the United States, the woman called Mary Travis would still be a stand out. He imagined her standing on the patio of Avalon and knew she would be a perfect an addition as any that money could buy.

She was strolling along the boardwalk, basket in hand with a definitive course in mind as she continued up the wooden path that ran up the length of the town.

As he crossed the street and made his way towards her, Nicholas took note of how many people greeted her as she walked on by. This was not only a woman admired for her splendid beauty but judging by the way she was offered salutations from passers by, she was also greatly respected. He supposed most newspaper editors of small towns like this usually were.

He reached her as she paused to admire something in one of the many shops and upon closer observation, Nicholas saw it to be a dress shop. He supposed that much about Mrs Mary Travis was still uniquely predictable.

"Mrs Travis." He announced himself.

Mary swung around and was pleasantly surprised by the handsome stranger standing before her.

"In proper society," he continued. "I would have the pleasure of being introduced to you by a member of the family or a close personal friend. Unfortunately due the lack of either, I must take the liberty of introducing myself. I hope you are not too outraged by my presumption."

"Certainly not." Mary said politely. "In the Territory we make do. You seem to know who I am so you do have me at a disadvantage."

"I would never wish to put you in such unfortunate circumstances," Nicholas tipped his hat oozing charm at her encouraging response. "I am Mr Nicholas Serfonteine."

It took an instant for Mary to realize who this man was and particularly whom he was to Nathan Jackson and a second after that instant to know she wanted as little to do with him as possible. Slave owners were on her list of most despised creatures on the earth, with the possible exception of the spiders she occasionally found in the house and had to find Chris to kill. Still there was no reason to be rude and she acknowledged the introduction with a slight nod. "I am pleased to meet you Mr. Serfonteine. What may I do for you?"

"Nothing at all Madam," he said with a smile. "I was merely taken by the lovely vision you were and would find myself remiss if I did not at least, try to make engage in some sparking conversation to keep in memory of your beauty."

God, you could just shovel it, Mary thought and was almost tempted to say it when Momma Travis's upbringing kicked in with that little voice at the back of Mary's head telling her to mind her manners.

"How sweet," Mary replied instead, taking the conservative of the two responses in her mind. "You are certainly the charmer, Mr Serfonteine. Are all southerners the same?"

"It is in the blood." He grinned when suddenly; the expression on his face changed and he saw the black garbed stranger who had counted himself as one of Nathan Jackson's friends, approaching from behind the engaging Mrs Travis.

"Hello Mary." Chris Larabee greeted, his eyes never moving off Nicholas as he brushed Mary's shoulder ever so lightly with his own and indicated to the southerner in no uncertain terms he was trespassing.

"Chris," Mary exclaimed and felt somewhat grateful at his presence because nothing scared off unwanted suitors better than a gunslinger dressed in black with a peacemaker strapped to his side. "Mr Serfonteine," Mary turned to the southerner. "This is my fiancee Mr Chris Larabee. Chris, this is..."

"We've met." Chris said abruptly.

Chris saw Serfonteine approaching Mary when he emerged from the saloon and decided he did not like the man anywhere near her. Besides, he knew something of Mary's politics and was perfectly aware of what she was capable of if anyone inspired her to get into an argument about civil rights.

"Your fiancee." Nicholas said unable to believe such a beautiful woman could become lost to such an unsavoury kind of man. "You are a lucky man, Mr Larabee." Nicholas remarked.

"I know." Chris replied, throwing Mary a faint smile as he answered.

"Well Mrs Travis," Nicholas said deciding a hasty departure was necessary. "It was a pleasure."

"Goodbye Mr. Serfonteine." Mary answered graciously. "I look forward to our next meeting."

Nicholas departed with Chris smug expression casting him farewell. The duo waited until the southerner was gone before Chris looked at Mary. "You look forward to your next meeting?" He asked with a hint of accusation in his voice but mostly he was teasing.

"I was being polite." She answered. "Besides, he was very charming."

Chris stared, hoping to God she was kidding. "I'm assuming that's a joke."

"Jealous?" She met his eyes coyly.

"I don't have to be." He stated firmly. "We're engaged."

"Strange," Mary said looking at her left hand. "I don't seem to see an engagement ring on my finger, Mr Larabee."

With a satisfied smirk, Mary Travis brushed past Chris Larabee as she left him to stew with those words.

He was so easy to tease.

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